That is all.

Milestone

So I don't think anyone even reads this anymore, but today was a big day, and I think it deserves to be commemorated.
Today I finished my final class in my first semester of college.
As in that's it. I'm officially done. The end of the beginning.
I'm a little bit in shock, I think. I guess it's not that big of a deal, but it feels big to me. I can't pretend I'm a kid anymore, I've got a semester of college under my belt.
It just feels surreal, ya know? Like, I've been building up to this for my entire life, and what do I have to show for it? I'm in college. I flunked math, and got A's in english and Anthropology. Math is a whole nother story, but I can honestly say that I put tons of effort into that class, and that sometimes it's not up to you.
So I'm in college, I've made a few friends, and I really think I've grown up some. Well, I'd probably better say that I just know that I've changed alot, I hope it's changing in the right direction. I've made a couple good friends at college, a few forever friends have stayed on board since high school. I'm learning I'm not as much of a social butterfly as I thought.
I also haven't dated anyone in nearly a year, and I'm really proud of myself. Someone once said that the most important thing you could learn is how to be alone, how to be happy with yourself without needing others to validate you, or without defining yourself by the person you're in a relationship with. I'm almost there. Doesn't mean I'm going to go throw myself at the first person who comes by, though. I still think it's gonna take a Superman to sweet me off my feet. (Preferably one that's not Tom Welling, because that guy is a JERK.)
I think I can pretty much sum my life up with this song. So I'll leave you with this, my favorite song of the... Ya know, life. Crazy Circles, by Bad Company:



Life is like a merry go round painted horses riding up and down
Music takes you and you're gone again, crazy circles never seem to end

Oh I will face the sun, leavin shadows for behind
And together we'll go on through time oh yeah

Life is like a game of chance: Some find riches and some romance, some find happiness and some find sorrow, some find it today and some maybe tomorrow

Oh I will face the sun, leavin shadows for behind
And together we'll go on through time oh yeah

Life is like a carousel you aim for heaven, and you wind up in hell
To all the world you're livin like a king
But you're just a puppet on a broken string

Oh I will face the sun leavin shadows for behind
And together we'll go on through time oh yeah

Life is like mm and the life is like mm
Crazy circles goin round and round
Crazy circles round and round and
One day you're up and the next day you're down
Life is like a merry go round

FINALLY.

I wrote this paper for my English class. Thought it might be nice for everyone who was holding their breath for my Comic Con post. :D

Cassidi Hess English 101
Nerd prom, is what I told most people. The time of the year when all sorts of people obsessed with all sorts of things got together and talked and dressed up and geeked out in every way possible. For my best friend and I, it was a pilgrimage to see the people who created something that we dedicated our lives to one hour every week: Supernatural. To the casual observer, it’s a television show about two brothers who hunt things and save the world. But to us, it was an escape from our mundane real lives, a chance to live in a world of excitement where good would always conquer evil and you could sell your soul to a tiny brunette if you put your picture, along with some cat bones, in the dirt at a crossroads. What wasn’t to love? This year there would be the creator, two writers, and two actors. We scrimped and saved for months to make the weeklong trip to San Diego, California, for the 70th Annual Comic Con.
Most people thought we were nuts. Spending two hundred dollars on tickets to a convention? Staying with relatives we had never met for a week to spend an hour in the same room as five people who would never really interact with us? Oh they of little faith. As if we had only spent two hundred dollars! All in all we spent around $1000 for the trip, and not a penny of it misspent, even in retrospect. We bought our tickets in March, and were only just able to snag them; within a week the entire four day convention was sold out completely. We were the envy of our friends. Not only would we get to see the cast and crew from Supernatural, but we would be in San Diego for a whole week! All we had to do was survive the four months until it came!
This was easier than it sounded. While waiting for our California trip, I busied myself with prom, graduation, and various other ‘senior’ like activities, and for a while even forgot the carrot I had been dangling in front of my own nose. April, May, June flew by, then July was here! I had only a month to prepare. Make that three weeks…
Before I knew it we were packed and loaded into my best friend Kathy’s red SUV and driving into the sunset, metaphorically speaking. We arrived in beautiful San Diego, California in the middle of the night and woke up the next morning to a world transformed. Everywhere we looked was lush, green, and full of life. Outside our window grew grapefruit trees, vines, flowers of every color. Having come from a small town high in the mountains of Arizona, this world of brilliant light and bright colors was a veritable Eden, and we made the most of our two free days basking in the sun.
Finally, finally, the big day. Our convention was about to begin! The day we had waited on for months! We arrived at the San Diego Convention Center, and walked through the doors. It was a bombardment of the senses. Everywhere we looked, we were greeted with visions of characters from comic books, movies, television shows, and some who were most likely products of their own imagination.
Tall, short, old, young, every imaginable kind of person, and the only equalizer was the excitement you could feel buzzing in the air. The smell, well, it smelled like thousands of people crammed into a space, but no one minded. The smell of people, mixed with the smell of the stale convention food, would’ve been unpleasant if any one of the 126,000 people present had stopped to think about it, but of course no one did. They were too busy making their way into the venue room, where one could buy any product they could possibly dream of. The conundrum of sound, caused by the squealing of excited fans, bragging of authors, illustrators, and creators, and even occasionally celebrities, was deafening.
This was our routine for three days, spending time and too much money in the vendor room, and visiting the panels. Sunday was about to roll around, the day of days. Looking back, I don’t know how I slept the night before. Knowing that in a few short hours, I would be in the same room as Eric Kripke, the man who created the show I adored, Misha Collins, the actor who brought one of my favorite characters to life, and Sera Gamble, my very favorite screenwriter ever to grace the small screen. I always looked out for her name on the opening credits, and paid extra attention to the show to see the secret messages she sent out to the watchers. Sera was everything I, a girl with dreams of fame and being a published writer, hoped to be. Smart, classy, witty… Needless to say, I was excited for her most of all.
Sunday morning found Kathy and I up and getting dressed at 5:45 AM. Our panel didn’t start until eleven, but there was no chance we were risking being even a moment late. We hopped on the train by 6:30 and beat most of the crowds - or so we thought. We strolled down the nearly empty halls, sure that no one would’ve thought to arrive at the Convention Center four hours before the panel started. Were we ever wrong! The only hallway with any people lined up at all was ours, and it was so crowded we couldn’t even see the end of the line! After a few moments of panic, we were able to find a spot to wait out the hours. We chatted to anyone who would listen to us speak. Soon we had a small gathering of three or four people who were waiting for the panel as well, and vibrated with anticipation as the moments clicked by.
The doors opened at 10 o’clock for the Smallville panel. While we couldn’t care less about the Superman spin off, we weren’t about to let the chance for good seats pass us by. We found seats as close up as we could, which wasn’t too far, considering we were now a group of eight who refused to be separated from each other. The panel dragged, about as much as you would expect from a show that was about to head into it’s tenth season. I soon felt that familiar pressure, and was grateful for the fifteen minute break between panels. I was sure I’d have enough time to find a bathroom and be back before Supernatural started.
As soon as the lights came up, I told the rest of my friends to save me a seat, and made my way through the crowds to the doors and got the tiny blue ticket that would assure me entrance back into the room. I clung to it as if my life depended on it, found the ladies’ room, then was all set to wander back when BAM! I slammed right into someone. My eyes started at her shoes and slowly worked my way up until I hit the curly black hair, mischievous green eyes, and lips quirked into a smile.
“Oh, jeez, excuse me.” I’d have recognized the voice anywhere.
“But you’re… Sera! Sera Gamble!” My words tumbled out of my mouth, incoherent even to me. But she must’ve understood and laughed.
“That’s me! It’s nice to meet you. But I’m also late for my panel so… See you in there!” She waved, and as graceful as you please, waltzed through the doors and onto the stage.
She would never remember my name. And someday the show that I love so dearly now will fade into a memory of an obsession that ate away at my precious time and resources. But the chance to meet a childhood hero, a woman who was smart and successful and beautiful and everything I aspired to be? That was a once in a lifetime experience.

And, yes, I stretched the truth. And yes, the secret messages Sera sends to us is that Show is the Epic love story of Sam and Dean. But really, not half bad paper, if I do say so myself. :D

More Exciting Summer Adventures!

So, I just realized. This summer has been kind of celebrity ridden for me! These are some of the people I've seen, and where they were:

This is Allison Mack, the sweetheart who plays Chloe on Smallville. We met in the bathroom at Comic Con!


Travis Wester, better known as Harry Spangler on Ghostfacers! I bumped into him while walking around at Comic Con. He glared at me!




Cathrine Boecher, who plays Lilith most of season four of SUPERNATURAL! I didn't actually meet her, but I saw her at the Bob Dylan concert! No, I didn't actually confirm it's her... But I know it in my heart to be true. :D



And THIS is Sera Gamble! That's right, our favorite squeegirl from the SPN writer's room. I bumped into her while she was walking into the panel, and I was going to the bathroom. I cannot ever remember being more incoherent... Still am. :D

Sometimes I Get REALLY Cute Forwards.

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
He simply answered: 'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to Think Outside of the Box.

HOWEVER...., the correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

Quickie

I'm way too lazy for this blog. The poor baby gets neglected all the time! Someday I'll come back and do the super duper blog that it deserves.
But, let's be honest, this is my stopping in for a quick bite before diving right back into... Whatever it is I do. Mostly Buffy the Vampire Slayer, right now.

-Moved in down in Chandler! It's too hot. But it's definitely growing on me. :D
-Went to California last week... It was amazing. Had a day at the beach that deserves it's own entire post.
-Saw Bob Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp, and Bob Dylan in said state. Honestly, Dylan was a disappointment. Mellencamp was fantastic, though!
-Going to a Green Day concert on Saturday! Whoo!
-School starts on monday. wish me luck!
-I'm crazy homesick. I miss my family and my beffie and my puppy. Good Golly I miss my Molly. :[ :[ :[

The End of the Line

I've spent five years hating Show Low, hating the petty small town politics.
I hated the wind, the weather.
I hated the cliques that wouldn't let me in, or that I saw shunning other people who desperately wanted acceptance.
I hated going to the one store in the whole town and seeing at least six people I know.
I have fought it tooth and nail.

And now I'm leaving.
Sure, I'll come back and visit, but honestly? I'll have a life in the valley. A home, friends, boyfriends, new dramarama that will have nothing to do with my life here. I've seen it happen with other people, and mourned like I didn't know I could. Now it's my turn.

It's not just letting go of a friend, or a love. It's letting go of my entire life. My family will be here, my saftey net will be here. The people I can't imagine my life without, in good ways or bad, will be here.

Anyways, here's the long and the short of it, kids:
I've set the date.

I'm moving down to the valley next Saturday.
It's soon, I know, but I'm going down a week early so I can go to a John Mellencamp, Bob Dylan, and Willie Nelson concert. I took a poll of from the important people, and they all say it's worth it.

So, to quote someone smarter- well, at least she was blonder and more eloquent- than me, if you've got something to say you'd better say it right now 'cause you don't have another day...

It's just so weird that it's all ending, ya know? I'm in a permanent state of confuddlement at the moment. Luckily for me, at least Blake is going to MCC too, so I'll have him around. :]

And seriously, if you all don't keep in touch, and call me, I will come back up and slit your throats.

Just kidding.

Hey Somebody.

buy this for me.

Can't Wait. :]

I Like The Sweet Life And The Silence...

Dear Thriving Ivory:
Thanks.

You made me cry.

Something about this thunderstorm makes me crave Jerome. I want to be in a pretty little garden, wearing an old fashioned nightgown, sitting in a bathtub.
In the middle of a thunderstorm.

Listening to that song by the Cardigans, storm. Why is my life not a music video?

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to people (or not) and include me. Try not to repeat a song title. It's harder than you think.



Pick Your Artist: U2

Are you male or female: Lady With The Spinning Head

Describe yourself: The Sweetest Thing

How do you feel about yourself: Mysterious Ways

Describe your current boy/girl situation: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Describe where you currently live: Where The Streets Have No Name

If you could go anywhere you wanted to go: city of Blinding Lights

Your favorite form of transportation: The Fly

Your best friend(s) is(are): Stranger in a Strange Land.

Your favorite color is: A Different Kind of Blue

Favorite time of day: When Love Comes To Town

If your life were a TV show, what would it be called: Running To Stand Still

What is life to you: Some Days Are Better Than Others

What is the best advice you have to give: Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

If you could change your name, what would it be: Mother of the Disappeared

Thought for the Day: Hold Me, Kiss Me, Thrill Me, Kill Me.

How I would like to die: Tryin To Throw My Arms Around The World

My soul's present condition: Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of


This was so much fun, I think I'll try it with all of my favorite bands!

Vacay

So, I'm in Annabella, Utah.
It's pretty fun.
Though I'm not gonna lie, I came here hoping to run into a certian Sturgesaurus... and guess what.
HE'S GETTING MARRIED.
There goes that chance.
Anyways, The family is fine, as usual... Though we've got the mellow part of the farnsworths, so things are going smoother than usual.

But I miss home. I never thought I'd say that, but I DO! And I miss my beffie, and my Teannasaurus, and my teddy bears. And my own bathroom.

I guess this isn't really as exciting as it should be... I've just run out of blogging steam!

'cept, oh yeah.

I'M EIGHTEEN. How insane is that?? Legal adult, baby!

Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

Could someone please 'splain to me how this:



Is supposed to play a young this??


No, Dr. Tam... I mean it. I am REALLY sick. It's probably a lethal disease... I might not recover. It's your duty as a physician to make my dying hours as meaningful as possible....


But seriously. Snotty, dumb Zac Efron got his 'big break' playing young Sean Maher in Firefly. Who knew? [[aside from me... Sunbeam tried to argue with me, but I had none of it.]]
And I just need to squeal about Sean Maher for a minute... Good hell this man is beautiful. T.V.'s sexiest- oh wait, it got CANCELLED. Screw you, Fox. SCREW. YOU. But man, couldn't you just eat him up?
So Disney's life size posable action figure got his start on Firefly, one of my favoritest awesomest shows in the 'verse. [No, I've not given up on Supernatural, I'm still on my high from the season finale, I'm just broadening my horizons.]

So, fun fact I guess? Kinda breaks my heart that someone can fall so desperately... He looked so alive, swearing in Chinese and bonding with Baby!River.

In other news, I'm almost eighteen.

And I really, really like this song... It's been singing its self for the past couple of days in the back of my heart.
I was going to say head, but heart came out, and I kinda like it. :]


I'm so excited to buy my eee PC!! Baby!Laptop, all my own.

And FLAGSTAFF... SQUEE!!! Kathy and I are going on Wednesday, and I am about to pee my pants I'm so excited.

The way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person’s soul until you find a crack, and then gently pour your love into that crack.

Playlist

So, like I said, I started writing a bit lately. This is pretty much the soundtrack of my mind. Well, my mind as far as my stories go. Doesn't have much to do with my own personal life much.
Just thought I'd share. ^_^

It's Like The RENT of Saturday Night Life!

This video is freaking hilarious. Oh, Darling Dr. Horrible...

sheh sheh.

"I once heard this story...

"There were two men, one old and one young. The old man proudly showed the young man his heart. 'My heart is perfect,' he said. 'No,' said the young man, pulling out his own heart, 'My heart is perfect.' The old man pulled back, 'But it's so ugly!'

"The young man nodded. His heart was ugly. It was broken and sewn back together, parts were missing and parts were obviously from different hearts, the pieces not matching exactly... 'It is ugly, but it means that I have loved. When you love some one, you give them a piece of your heart. Sometimes you get one in return, sometimes you don't... But it is because I have loved that my heart is perfect.'

"The old man looked down at his heart, it was whole, it was alone. He promptly ripped a piece out and handed it to the young man. The young man smiled and handed the old man a piece of his own heart."


to everyone who has taken/given heart... Sheh sheh. <3

You Don't Want To Miss Out...

The last couple of days have been absolutely wonderful! I'm just in such a great mood, all the time... Probably because I can just chill at home, and play! I love playing with my besties. ^.^
Also, I freaking CANNOT WAIT for Flagstaff! Only thirteen more days! Expect a disgusting amount of pictures. :D
And after Flag, Teanna and I are going to Sunsplash for my birthday! Squee!!
Is it pathetic that i'm more excited for these two trips than I am for my eighteenth birthday? :P

I started writing again... I'm so proud of myself! Can I say that? But I feel very accomplished lately. I dig it. :D

And i'm pretty much a fan of this song... It's so cute!




Like I said.
Good mood.

I Don't Blog.

I haven't blogged in a week, and I'm not really upset about that.

Here's an update on my life, for anyone who cares:

--I've been basically babysitting nonstop the two weeks, and I don't see an end in sight.
--Kathy [I can call her that now!] and I are going to Flagstaff for my birthday! Squee! good way to hold ourselves over until the Big One.
-- explodingdog.tumblr.com: *snorts* it's funny!
-- I kinda want to name a dog/baby Harlow. And no, not after Nicole Richie's baby.
-- I'm training for a job! I'll be working with Dad, doing DHS presentations. So if you don't have insurance, or are currently unhappy with your insurance, lemme know... I get a commission. :]
-- Teannasaurus and I are going to Sunsplash for my birthday! Yay!
-- In case you couldn't tell, I'm not going to have an 18th bash... Just little trips. And that's the way, uh huh, I like it. :D
-- Dude. I'm turning 18.
-- I suck at playing nice with the other kids. I guess I just never learned to share toys... Or things that rhyme with toys.
-- Speaking of, Between Kathy and Jeff [the awesome guy I met at Disneyland!] I have fallen in love with Firefly. Also Big Band Theory. Both TV shows that you should watch... Unless you're Ben, in which case you shouldn't watch unless it's with me.
-- COMICON! *falls over, twitches*
-- I love my cell. If you don't have my number and you think you should, lemme know... I'll probably give it to you. :]
-- My life is, in all reality, pretty boring... I do what i do and I do it well. And by 'it', I mean pretty much lurk on ell-jay, hanging out with my two best friends, and babysitting.

I love it. :]

New Happy.

I Love love love Hello Saferide!
The first song I heard was The Quiz, thanks to Kathy. Only now I've heard a bunch of their songs, and I just LOVE THEM! Well, her, I suppose. A Swedish girl named Annika, and she's kinda completely adorable.
The video to 'Anna' is great... and freaking HEART SHATTERING.

New Happy.

I Love love love Hello Saferide!
The first song I heard was The Quiz, thanks to Kathy. Only now I've heard a bunch of their songs, and I just LOVE THEM! Well, her, I suppose. A Swedish girl named Annika, and she's kinda completely adorable.
The video to 'Anna' is great... and freaking HEART SHATTERING.

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams in live.

*steal!*

Make a list of 5 things you can see:
1. a yellow bowl
2. My pretty nails, french manicure with silver artistry.
3. A sign telling me that "It's A Wonderful Life"
4. Candles, unlit.
5. Taylor Swift CD case.

Would you ever get plastic surgery?
No. As much as i'd sometimes like to look different than I do, I think it's disrespectful to the body that you've been given.

Is there anything in your fridge right now that you would never eat/drink?
Ugh, yes. Have you seen what my mother eats? lol.

What's your occupation?
Student, or will be. Dreamer.

Do you nap a lot?
No, I wish.

What was your first celebrity crush?
Orlando Bloom, then James Franco. What can I say? I had a type.

What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
Supernatural [dur].

What are you listening to right now?
Hey Stephen, by Taylor Swift. [I wish I could say something totally awesome, like that i jam to Metallica, but I dance around and sing along.]

What was the last text message you received?
"Your hair, my dear, is fabulous. You are quite a beautiful young woman."
Aw, thanks, Wade. :D

What websites do you always visit when you go online?
Start at email, then twitter [I'm there for Misha, who rarely lets me down], blogs, and facebook.

What was the last thing you bought?
Fearless, Taylor Swift.

Can you whistle?
When I need to. ;]

Dog or Cat?
Dog. Cats, I love love love, but they kill me.

What is your zodiac sign?
Cancer, which probably tells you more than you need to know... {{Sheldon: Yes... it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relevant to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.}}

Name a song that makes you think about a ship/character that you like lately.
Everything, by Lifehouse... it's a freaking BEAUTIFUL song, but more than that, it's the J2 HS AU. It almost made me cry!
But let's face it... There probably isn't a song alive that doesn't remind me of Supernatural. :D

Weird dream:
Honestly, can't remember many these days.
Which in and of it's self is weird.

Do you have any siblings?
One eleven year old sister, one eight year old Lilith, and one little brother, seven.

What's something you'd like to say to someone right now?
How much more perfect for each other could we be? Oh, right, if you NOTICED.

What are your plans for next weekend?
Hopefully double date, Rachelle's mom's wedding.

I suppose I can only half way relate with the protagonist [Taylor Swift, the blonde] because most of the time I am the one in high heels, and I've only recently discovered the virtues of a good old t-shirt. But, at the same time, I definitely know that feeling, the whole well obviously I'm perfect for you, why on earth would you even look anywhere else?
Also, I would scalp for glasses like hers.

Remember The Time You Drove All Night?

I'm kinda in love with this song:

This is the first day of my life, I swear
I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

Nope, not about anyone in particular. Just love the conception.

Also, here's my plug:
imeem.com is a new music site where you can make playlists and share music with your friends. Miss Amy showed it to me a few months ago, but I just barely started an accout. Love it thus far!

BLAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Lolcatz. Where have they been all my life?

Give Yourself Away, Feel The Wind Blow...

I am done with high school... And don'tcha come back no more, no more.
It's just so surreal at this point, I guess things aren't sinking in. I'm never going to see some of my friends again.
I'm sure I'll be upset, when it really does sink in, but honestly? The people who I would miss the very most, well they're not going anywhere. I'm keeping them in my life. The rest of the people, even the ones that I thought I'd keep with me, well... The fact that they're not still around tells me everything I need to know.
I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, teaching something we must learn and we are drawn to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return.
It's true. The other day I was thinking about what would've happened if my parents had given into my fits and not made me move here. My life, and the lives of the people I know now, and knew then, would be so drastically different.

As I look back over my high school experiences, I can't say with any definitiveness whether any single event was good or bad. Hindsight is twenty twenty, and everything has helped mold me into who I am today. Whether it was pressure pushing me on all sides, forcing me to change shape, or parts of me I wanted in place being shaved off, or simply the growing pains that everyone experiences, what I've come to realize is I don't know anything. And because I don't know anything, I have everything to learn. And I am now in a position to learn everything... [but not in a weird Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull kind of way] with nothing but the wind to my back, and my learning experiences to push me forward in directions that I should go.



In other news, I wish that graduating from high school was a get out of jail free card to emotional maturity. But I guess that comes with time, and moving the heck away from here.

I'm Not Bleeding On The Inside.

Yesterday was my last day of high school EVER! I'm so glad.
Also, yesterday I got my hair dyed, and at the same time had a great therapy session. Sean, my new stylist, is AMAZING. And he did a great time. I recommend him to everyone who even needs a haircut... And his prices are really reasonable. His salon is in Bodyworks Gym.
And last night i got to hang out with Tara. So much fun! We went to the NPC art show, then to Native New Yorker for dinner. I love hanging out with that girl. :]
My sweet little Grammy and Grandpa are in town! They're darling, and Grammy was my little best friend the whole time I was a littlie. I love her. :]
And the best of all...

DING, DONG, THE WITCH IS DEAD!!!
Wow! Talk about an awesome plot twist! I always thought that she was a freakin stupid... Ugh. I can't come up with the right words for what a jerk she is... But Eloise always has been STOOPID. I'm sooo glad she's dead. And Bobby's still around! But even if Bobby had died, and Cas hadn't been a total BAMF and saved Dean, nothing could be better than the boys ending the episode in each other's arms. to quote someone far more obsessed than me:
ANYONE WHO EVER THOUGHT THAT SAM WINCHESTER DIDN'T LOVE DEAN UNTIL THE EFFING ENDS OF THE UNIVERSE WAS TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY WRONG.
Trufax.

Anyways, loved it.

And tonight to a party with Tea, after seeing my Sunbeam and raiding Shay's stuff. Love!

xoxo!

Oh Please...

I'm in love.
:]
With this movie! There is not enough happy in the world, more specifically, in my world.
Tomorrow is the last day of school. EVAR. Well, until college at least. Last day of high school.
Can't wait to be finished.

Back on track.
This video made me CRY. Too much beautiful.
I need to smile more. :]

Real blog someday soon.

Dear Kripke: Mission Accomplished.

Actually, I stole that from Missyjack on livejournal.

But SERIOUSLY!! I'm pretty sure after last night, I will NEVER be happy again.
Ever.

And to make things worse, I can't even post the video. But here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8LTbXMF_s4

Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven...

Ten things you wish you could say to ten different people.

10. Way to suck at everything ever. I'll be hanged if I let you drag me down with you.
9. I blame you for single-handedly giving me the ulcer I'm sure is developing.
8. You are emotionally immature. That is NOT MY FAULT, and I need to stop letting it get to me.
7. Actually, I did mean it.
6. I can't put anything here, because there's nothing I wouldn't say to you.
5. Thanks for being a tool to the nth degree. My absloute adoration officially ends... Now. No, now. Now. Then.
4. I wish I could be there for you more than I am... As it is, I love you to bits and can't wait to get more of you.
3. You break my heart when you're not who I know you to be. I'm not sure which of us you're lying to.
2. Every day, I have to remind myself to forgive you. Never works.
1. You're not who I thought you were. Cliche, I know, but it hits me every time, and hurts me every time.

Nine things about myself.
9. I don't have the budget or figure to dress the way I'd like to.
8. I don't sugar coat anymore.
7. Yep, I Twitter. AND I LIKE IT.
6. I've not had my phone a month, and I am totally dependent on it.
5. I am so incredibly eclectic, I can't even follow me most of the time.
4. Billy Joel is one of my favorite singers... EVER.
3. I'm single, and right now I wouldn't have it any other way.
2. I'm slowly but surely cutting everyone out of my life that doesn't need to be there. Nothing- actually, yeah. It is personal.
1. I love ellipses.

Eight ways to win my heart.
8. Make me laugh.
7. Make me laugh.
6. Make me laugh.
5. Make me laugh.
4. Make me laugh.
3. Make me laugh.
2. Make me laugh.
1. Save my life.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
7. y=-(sin(x^(1.7/6)+4)+(1/x))+10 [bahahaha... Prolly only Sunbeam will get this.]
6. Random lyrics.
5. Squee!
4. BORED.
3. Only seven more days... Seven more days... Seven more days...
2. Why are we not making out right now? Right. You're dumb.
1.

Six things I do before I fall asleep
6. Take out contacts.
5. Brush teeth/put in retainer
4. Pray.
3. Roll over six times. More or less.
2. Snuggle with bear, usually Pip.
1. Set alarm clock.

Five people who mean a lot (in no particular order).
5. Mom
4. Dad [both of them]
3. Kathy
2. Sisters
1. Me. :]

Four things you're wearing right now.
4. AE jeans
3. leather bracelet
2. black tank top
1. skivvies.

Three songs that you listen to often.
3. Anything Iron and Wine
2. The Quiz, Hello Saferide
1. Popular, Wicked [sadie is doing it for a talent show]

Two things you want to do before you die.
2. COMICON.
1. Get married... rafta and all. :]

One confession.
1. I, obviously, open my heart FAR too easily. It's a habit i'm trying to break.

Are you there? it's me, cass.

Holding Out For A Hero

Psh... In my dreams. But i've decided to be far too picky... I refuse to settle. My 'the boy' is gonna have to be one special fella, and until I find him... Well, I'm okay with being 'the boy' less. :D
I said that to Sarah Love, a few days back. And I hold to it.


.

Honestly, we joke about it, well... I joke about it. About how there never seem to be any good guys out there, or how "you always seem to have guys pop up out of nowhere." "Yeah, but none of them seem to stick." "The problem isn't you, it's the entire male population."

Maybe, just maybe, it's not a problem. I have spent the last, oh, five years, compulsively in a relationship. if I didn't have a boyfriend, or at least someone I liked, I felt like I was a failure. I've always been desperately romantic... Definitely to a fault.

For the first time in my LIFE, I am on my own. And I'm realizing, it's not all that bad. Not even close, in fact. I'm happy, I am complete. I'm the normal one for once, the one that people ask advice from. [Well, more often than not I shove it down their throats, not so much them asking for it] But I am happy.

I realize now that I've spent my whole life settling. I have been content.
THIS. IS. WRONG.
I'm not saying the boys I've liked have been mediocre, in fact, I think I've had some pretty great boys in my life. But there was always- or almost always- a 'but...' Obviously all was not well in paradise, because we've ended things for one reason or another. I pride myself on the fact that I've never back slid, every boy has been more compatible with me than the last, and that I have always walked away saying I learned something. I appreciate this.

I am now at a rather strange- well, strange for me- point in my life. I am happy... by myself. I'm strong, independent, and uncomplicated. I look back at the times in my life when I have felt the opposite of this, and it's always when I let another person have control over my moods, feelings, anything. I wonder why I ever put myself in that position..
Until a cute boy winks at me, of course.

And sure, sometimes I get lonely. I see couples together, and it hurts my heart to know that there's a 2% chance that I will be like that again in high school. But then I see other things... I see people hurting each other, stabbing them in wounds just to see how loud they will scream, and then people just drifting apart, growing up and leaving each other behind. These sometimes hurt the most, the unintentional hurts.

Don't think this makes me a crazy cynic who doesn't believe in happiness.. Far from it, in fact. I now believe in it more fully than before. I believe, wholeheartedly, that real love transends high school. Sure, you can find it here, but honestly? Of the three couples that I was dead sure I would be getting wedding announcements from? Not one of the three have made it through this year.

So this is it.
I am going to be happy, be free, be myself.
I'm not going to change just because I think it will make some random guy like me, because seriously?
If he doesn't fall head over heels for me the way I am, it is NOT my loss.

And I'm not going to waste my time sitting around waiting for a hero. There isn't much of a call for damsels in distress lately. I've got to be the kind of person who will attract the kind of person I want. It's a process, don'tcha know? :]

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...

That somehow ended up going so right. :]

School was somewhat awful... Srsly, I don't know when it was announced behind my back that all of the sudden everyone would be totally dumb today-
Oh, that's right.
The minute they announced that RETARDED abomination of a theatrical production would go on.
That's gonna put me in a real dandy mood.
But obviously, the entire dang drama department made it abundantly clear that if you're not currently involved, you should have no say whatsoever, no matter how much experience or how good of ideas you have.
But that's the bitter old hag in me digressing...
Aside from that, my chemistry class just plain sucks. Also, the new lunch crew... Where did they come from? Remember when it used to be the cool kids were in Ms. Abel's? The freakin good old times! ;]



I was tardy [by thirty seconds!!] to Photo third hour, so Tea and I just ditched [shhh... Don't tell!] and went shopping and spilling our guts in a car wash. I've decided those are the coolest places on Earth, by the way... I want to make out in one!
Photo, Fredley's, mostly uneventful...
Except for a really good talk with Shay. She gave me this jewel of a piece of advice:

Let it in.
Let it stay.
Let it go.

It's amazing, no? Deep, in a way that you could completely overlook if you tried hard enough. They are simple words, but words to be pondered in a moment of turmoil, or hurt, or simply sitting and breathing.

Also, here's another quote from Lamb that I would very much like to incorporate in my life:

When you sit, sit.
When you breathe, breathe.
When you work, work.
When you play, play.

Thoughts, anyone?


Anyways, after a completely despondent day, Ben and I went on an AWESOME adventure, that included- but was not limited to- breaking into [kind of] a one room schoolhouse from 1900, splashing in puddles [albeit in a car], finding a Polaroid camera, NOT driving when the road is flooded, and tailgating [right word?] Ms. Abel, and Mrs. Lewis.
All around, charming.

Then my darling little Lillith bought me an Icee! As if the day needed to get better, let's pump sugar into me and then send me to Ms. Abel's to...

WATCH SUPERNATURAL!
Ugh. It was NOT, in fact, the Trickster.
It was a lame filler, and we are not pleased, precious.
But I loved hanging out with my beffie... Who wouldn't?

Anyways... It was a day that was made good.
I would like to get better at making good on my own, ya know? Perception is 90% of life.
Or, as an old man far wiser than me says,
"There is nothing good or bad, only thinking makes it so."

She was a smart girl, until she fell in love.

Let's pretend we're artists and everything we feel is something new to be proud of. Let's take our imaginary friends on a double date and ditch them in a movie and hope they get along while we kiss outside on the sidewalk. Let's take the dreams you mumbled in your sleep and paint a child's nursery. And if we don't finish today, we've always got tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure I don't have much to say... Except that I graduate one month from today. CANNOT FREAKING WAIT. I am so ready to be out of this high schol, away from all the freaking drama, and get into good. I need some good. While I like being the stable one for once-- hey, it's a new experience, being the go-to because I'm not buckets of crazy-- but I miss being part of something. I know it's dumb to want to be in a relationship the last, what, four weeks of high school, but...




And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.
-Sylvia Plath

I’m lost and looking for the sky, for moving parts and a place that doesn’t rust. For wheels that burn and a world that turns. For a road that phantom cars still drive down while lovers long lost feel wind that’s blown too long in silver hair. You are the only map I know.


This is what scares me:


I'm scared of losing my nerve, of wanting to stay. Of letting my reasons to stay keep me from my reasons to leave:


Stay:
Ms. Abel.
Family.
Scared.
Stability.
Mom.
Friends.


Leave:
Get out of here, and never have to come back.

Doodle.

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened, if you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself.
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and if it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much
Ooh this could be messy, but you don't seem to mind.
Don't go telling everybody, and overlook this supposed crime
We'll fast forward to a few years later, and no one knows except the both of us.
And I have honored your request for silence, and you've washed your hands clean of this.

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly... I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body.

Alanis Morissette, where have you been all my life?

This Is A Twice In A Lifetime Experience!

Prom=Awesome!
Day Date=Awesome!
In the reverse order, of course.

Jeremy came and picked me up at 8:15 [@%$#$^$#] luckily I woke up fifteen minutes earlier, and was good to go. We met everyone else at Daniel's house- Daniel and Laney, Jeff and Jessica, and Victoria, whose date would show up later- and went to Denny's. Unfortunately, I didn't think to pull a Tennessean accent this time, like I did last year for prom. But I did eat Pancake Puppies, which were pretty much DELICIOUS. Then we were off to a picture scavenger hunt in Walmart! Jeremy, Victoria and I basically ROCKED it... Pictures up as soon as I get them.
After that we headed over to Jeff's house to watch Pirates of the Carribean and eat Top Ramen. Then on to the SECRET ADVENTURE....
A POTC Van war!
Let me explain: Two groups [Jeremy, me, Victoria, and Jacob] were in one minivan, and Daniel, Laney, Jeff and Jessica were in the other. We each had one sliding door open, and through that door we launched water balloons at each other with water balloon launchers. Our van was the Black Pearl, and we CONQUERED. :D
Then off to get ready... After NPC kinda ruined my hair, my poor darling mother had to do it and redo it like five times before I was satisfied... That woman. I don't know many others who could put up with me as much as she does.
So around 6:30 Jeremy came over, I was all spiffed up, and we headed for dinner. Lacanos was pretty fun...
"I really like Mediterranean food."
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"Ya know, like pita, hummus, falafel..."
"I'd bet it would be better if it was falawesome."
And I just loved our group. We were so much fun!

The dance its self was actually WAY cooler than I thought. I was like... Pool? Count me out. But it looked so cool! Fog machines, and floating lights, and sooo many twinkle lights that didn't twinkle!

We jammed the WHOLE TIME! My poor date... I'm such a floater. We'd be dancing, everything chill, then a song would come on and I'd run over to Tea, or Jess, and leave him standing. With warning, of course, but hey. I've gotta jam to 'Right Round' with my gurrrl... and the whole song we were missing you, Karadoll! We danced with an empty space and pretended it was you, beautiful. :]
Oh, and get this: My parents totally showed up! How awesome was that??? I know, I'm a total dork... But I was so excited! I made them say hello to everyone, and all the girls showed off their dresses.
After the dance, we headed to Denny's, and while we were waiting for drinks, the adrenaline rush totally wore off and we were DEAD. We were there with our group, then Tea's group. They got a cake, and we got tired even looking at them lift their forks.
It was a good tired, though, until I started mouthing off... I'm pretty sure someone spiked my Razzdango, because one minute we were all laughing, and the next thing I know, i'm waxing philosophical about how sleep is just a habit, and how we aren't physically strenuous enough anymore to really need sleep. Luckily, I think everyone just kinda ignored me. :D
Got home at nearly one, and all in all... Good dance. Good day. Good friends.

To Every Boy I've Ever Loved.

But it's SO true.
They have all, every one of them, contributed to making me the person I am. Either by introducing me to new viewpoints, or teaching me something about the world, or people around me, or even just by being a bounceboard for some of my craziness, every boy has helped shape me.
And what's more, by leaving me behind, they've let me rest more on myself. They've made me stronger, by teaching me that, in the end, I have to be myself. I cannot create and recreate myself based on what one person thinks I should be. I can learn what they have to teach me, but at the end of the day, I am the one who will live with my and the person I am becoming.
And I hope to love myself every step of the way.
:]

Leave At Your Own Chosen Speed.

I'm not the one you want, babe, you're not the one I need.
Pretty much I love this song. It's very much... Me. And it's so cool... I'm teaching my little sisters all about the 'good stuff' of life. They've gotten a taste of Ray Charles, Johnny Cash, and Cake so far. Anyone have suggestions?

Also, Benny, do you still have my New Found Glory CD that this is on? I can't find it.


I might not be at school tomorrow. Mom's got to get a root canal, and I'm gonna have to drive her down... If I'm lucky. :D

Prom is on Saturday... SO EXCITED!

Also, I'm addicted again.....

Hello Lolla

"You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book, or you take a trip, and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. and then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death.”

Here I go, blog stalking again... hellololla.com has some of the most beautiful photographs and quotes, and I just love it.

It's raining here in the valley of the sundress and low rise jeans, and I love it.
But something in me is craving summer...




This summer is going to be especially MADE OF AWESOME.
Because....



And





With a dash of






As if there were words.

Mews!!

1. I'm going to prom! Yays!! I'm going with Jeremy Webb, which should be fun, and in a group with Daniel and Laney [oh, the irony gods...] and Victoria and Jacob Hofeling. It should be awesome. Also, I'm wearing my midnight blue and silver dress... I think it's better that way.


2. SIX MORE WEEKS!!! Five, if you don't count senior trip [which I won't.] So FIVE MORE WEEKS!! But who's counting?

3. I got a new notebook! I filled up my blue one, and the new one is bright green. LOVE!

4. I was called as the Laurel Class President last week... Whoo. But I'm gonna learn to love them if it's the last thing I do.

5. My life is pretty boring... Hence the lack of blogging. I go to school, I go home, I usually hang out with Teannasaurus and Ms. Abel, I develop stupid schoolgirl crushes on people I really shouldn't, I seem to be constantly coming up with talks and insights for church and seminary.

6.I wish you would step back off that ledge, my friend. Stupid codependency flaring up... I just want to save everyone. It sucks. You'd think I would've learned something from Lamb. [LOVED!]

7. Also, this is probably one of my new favorite songs... thanks, Hair!
You belong among the wildflowers, you belong in a boat out at sea, sail away kill off the hours, you belong somewhere you feel free

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Because you just might get it.


Stupid gosh darn Pussycat Dolls got that song stuck in my head, and it won't get out.

Ms. Abel Told Me There Would Be Days Like This...
I just kept thinking it while I sat and listened to sad songs last night... I never thought I'd break out my Dixie Chicks CD again, but... Oops. I didn't just admit that.
But seriously, last night was one of those days that you just want to crawl under the covers and NEVER. COME. OUT.

I'm better now... And I've started waking up early. Weird, huh? But I go to sleep around eight, and I wake up at five, and get to sit and light candles and listen to Julie London [Dax, I adore you for hooking me up] and meditate.
Doesn't get much better than that.

But all in all, I'm going to be much more careful about my wishing from now on...

Hell is having everything you ever wanted.

I Am...

Madly in love with Ireland.
I've also taken nearly five hundred pictures... Of course. What did you expect?
But my favorite this far has been The Cliffs of Moher. They're beautiful beyond description.
Also Galway.
Also Dublin.
Also the beds and breakfasts we've stayed at... Even though they're FREEZING.
Also the people... They are AMAZING! So nice!
More when I get home.
Love you, miss you!
CHEERS!

Wa-Hoo!

I feel so good!
Tea and I went to the pool, and just kinda worked out... It felt so good! I feel way... Impowered? New deal, I'm going to do that forever until I look good enough to wear that swimsuit. [Well, I already do, but still. I like FEELING like I look good enough to wear that.]

Today was, in a word, good.

I'm trying to get all the blogging I can out of my system before I leave [IN EXACTLY ONE DAY AND TWO HOURS!!! WHOO!] because I won't have a computer in Europe. I'm going to miss you all so much!

Gotta go pack.
Whoo!

Vaugely Dissatisfied.

But definitely not suprised.
To quote one of my favorite books 'I couldn't even come up with a new way to pave my road to hell.'

This is the story of the three of us, down by the water and the tide is rising, this world is burning and I'm terrified, I need a little more time with you, oh, I just need a little more time with you.

Today, after school, I was sitting in Ms. Abel's room with her and Blake, and it just hit me that I probably won't see Blake or Shay after this summer ever again. [Naturally, I promptly burst into tears. Poor Blake... I don't think anyone on earth has seen me cry as much as that boy.]
I mean... How dreadfully sad is that? And Kara... I won't get to watch her grow up. [I mean, Doll, you're already growing, but I won't see you get the tough layer of skin that high school is bound to give you.] I will change, and I won't even recognize the person I will become. Or the person I was.

But at least I'll get some variety, right? Actually have a chance to pick my poison, instead of going with the same old boring... Well, ya know.

A day and a half... That's all I have left. If I can make it through another day and a half, I will make my escape. And after that, only seven weeks.

I'm so in love with this photo...

Was I The Moth, Or The Flame?

Thank you, angels.
:]

I cannot freaking wait... I leave for Ireland in TWO DAYS!! Actually, we leave for Phoenix, then London [squee!] then on Monday we'll be in Dublin. :]

Of course, leave it to the Doctor to freak the heck out of me... Turns out in Ireland there are crazy terrorists who burn your cars, or if you don't get out fast though, they just throw a bomb in and you DIE.
So... I love you all? I hope I can see you all before I go, because if I die, I want to have nice memories of everyone.

This weekend was awesome, basically... Loved hanging out with Tea and Kara, and random hanging out with Dax. And I finished 'The Book Thief' which I am pretty sure that everyone alive needs to read.

I wish my Sundays were as good as the rest of my weekends... But now that I don't see Ms. Abel anymore, there's absloutely NO REASON for me to even like Sundays. SAD.

Erin Go Braugh.


My little brother is learning about the Beatles, and it's about the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life... Whenever I get grouchy at him, he says 'Hey, remember? George, Paul McCartney, John Lennon, and... Um... The drummer, Star!' And I just hug him.

I'm sure I've got so much more to say, I've been saving things and now they've just all disappeared.

If I could, I would swallow your pain, and bring you home on a passenger train...

But Ms. Abel's back! Yays!

kthxbye.

It's the song, actually, I just happened to find a video with my two TV boyfriends that goes with this song that I'm in love with...
I'm pretty sure I could not love this blog entry anymore, unless it got awesome comments. lol.

LOVE!!!!

and now I'm heading over to Teanna's... And I will FINALLY be able to get a good night's sleep, because I won't be daydreaming about tonight FINALLY happening.
And after tomorrow night, everything in the world will be better.
Well, at least less stressful.

Growing Pains.

I dunno what it is about this week/month, but it seems that change is just bursting at the seams.

- I've been watching Phantom of the Opera the last couple of days; I checked it out of the library. This makes me feel like an awful drama kid, but I think I might be changing from Team Phantom to *gulp, don't hit me* Team Roul.
First off, I'd just like to say that I think Christine is the MOST overrated character on Broadway. Am I the only one who's realized that she's completely INSANE?!? I mean yeah, she's got the voice of an angel [no pun intended] but seriously? She hears a creepy old guy voice when she's praying and nah, she doesn't freak out, she FALLS IN LOVE WITH IT. And Phantom... He will forever hold a place in my heart, but he would've only dragged her down into the depths of his dark despair.

-Eleven weeks exactly. Until I am done with high school forever.
Don't ask me how I feel about it, because as excited as I am to just be finished with all the STUPID DRAMA, and people, and everything... This is all I've really known, ya know? When it actually comes and is over with, I'm sure I'll wonder what I was afraid of, but for now... gulp.

- This song
is the reason I first wanted to go to Galway, and now I go and find out it's basically Ireland's version of Jerome. Can this please just be my heaven?

-My goal for this trip is to meet and kiss an Irish boy.
I'm pretty psyched about that... Even if it's just a waiter on the cheek or something, I want very much to get some international action. ;]

- For those of you who haven't heard, my little dog Sammy died on Saturday. We're all pretty upset about it... We loved him alot. We got him when I was a freshman, and it's so weird not having him around. Obviously, I was pretty attached. But everything happens for a reason, right? Everything happens for a reason.

-It's really hitting senior crunch time. On Friday [oh yeah, that would be day after tomorrow] I have:
Senior research project due.
Ireland essay for my parents due.
Photos printed, matted and submitted for NPC photography contest due.
Ask me again how much of that I have done?
Oh, I'm such a procrastinator. I get a thrill off the deadlines, I know.

-
In preparation for this trip, we are all waking up at 5 AM this week, and FOUR STINKIN AM so the jet lag won't be as bad when we get there, which is a good thing.
At the same time... IT'S FREAKIN FIVE O'CLOCK. So if Cupcake falls asleep during class... Blame the Irish. :D

-Speaking of, apparently some kids in my English class have resurrected that nickname? Of course, they definitely don't do the full name Ms. Abel gave me [cupcakebutterflyrainbowsunshinebaby] but I still think it's adorable. Something about pet names just makes my heart smile.

-And while we're on the topic of heart smiles... :]


Night, all.

They're Just Thoughts, So Go Ahead And Speak.

-When I was a baby, I had one of those nifty electric swings that you can put the kid in and they'll be set for hours. I used it until I was too big, then passed it on to Sadie. I wasn't even necessarily attached to the swing, I didn't think about it much; It was just a staple in the corner of our tiny living room.
Until the fateful day that the battery in the swing died.
Now, normal people, when a battery dies, they change it. and that's what the 'rents were going to do. I, on the other hand, am NOT normal. I wouldn't let them throw the battery away! I held onto it, cried, and screamed when anyone got close. I kept it under my bed for a few months, until I grew out of that stage and let my mom throw it away.
Does this say something about how adverse I am to change?
VERY.
My ward just changed today. I was really looking forward to it, honestly... There aren't many people in my ward that I like. But they took away Sister Smith, my young women's leader, and my bishop and his family [Daniel and Becca Williams]. They were the only ones I wanted to keep, really. And they're gone. My heart? A little broken up.

-We talked on the phone exactly ONCE. So why is it that my heart broke a little when i heard your name? I don't even know what you look like.

-

- I hate reminding myself 'He's just not that into you, he's just not that into you, he's just not that into you'... Because, darn it, I wish he was. Never mind all the stupid signs, that should make it blantantly obvious that I'm wasting my time. I. DON'T. CARE. [um, well, ya see... I just let tea borrow the copy of HJNTIY, obviously.]

- This is pretty cool... Sam sent it to me, but I think I would appreciate it more if I was high:
http://www.bornmagazine.org/projects/whystayup/project.html

- I'm hungry. And tired. And poor.

- On the plus side... I just found out that I have the SAME FAVORITE SONG as Jensen Ackles:

It's Like The Clouds Have Parted.

... And God came down, and said:
DUH.


This book has changed my life, no lies.


Seriously.
How many hours, days even, has any one given girl spent justifying, making up excuses for why a guy didn't call her, didn't come over, doesn't want to meet the family? It's because
He's JUST NOT INTO ME.

It's not that he's tortured, he can be as 'damaged' as he wants.
If he's interested, he's going to act like it.
If he's not, then why on earth would I waste my time?

WHY DID SOMEONE NOT GIVE ME THIS BOOK MY FRESHMAN YEAR?!?!?!

Anyways, I just wanted to let everyone know, if you're female, BUY THIS BOOK. I'm borrowing the one I'm reading, but I WILL actually buy my own copy.
Which is a big deal for me; I usually don't buy books, I just borrow them.
But seriously, it's like I've been so blind my whole life...

I mean, I am awesome. And I deserve to spend my time/effort on someone who's going to spend the same amount of time/effort on me that I am him.
And 'it's better than nothing' is NOT good enough anymore.

Whoo girl power!!!

:]

Do One Thing Everyday That Scares You.

Check, and check.

Seriously though, I LOVE it!! New haircut brings more joy than new shoes... Almost. But I got a pair of those a while back, too.

So, this song has been stuck in my hair ALL DAY:
I know this pretty rave girl
always thinkin' 'bout her
and when she says hi to me
butterfly's go right through me
and when I see her dancin'
wanna take a chance in
getting a little closer
and maybe get to know her

Makes me want to go to a dance and bust a move.

Everyday Should Be A Holiday.

And it was... But this was a special holiday.

This is the first Valentine's Day, I think of my entire life, that I thoroughly enjoyed.
After putting around Jerome, we drove down to Prescott... It was kinda a bust, but it was really fun to just walk around and see all the little shops and the clock tower where Back To The Future was filmed... Neato. We ended up getting bored and leaving early, though, which was the BEST choice EVER.

We drove down to Anthem, to Amy's house, and picked up strawberries and chocolate, then threw on our swim suits and headed for the HOT TUB!
Miss Amy turned in after a while, but Shay and I stayed up until around 1 AM, just talking and giggling and venting and confiding... It was amazing. I was able to let loose about so many things that I haven't been able to tell ANYONE about... And I love it. It was so cleansing, ya know?
So that was my V-Day, the next day we had a blast making goodies, taking naps, then meeting up with Dad and getting all dolled up and going out to dinner, then we came back and watched 'Tool Academy'... Can I just tell you how freaking funny that show is? It makes me want a boyfriend just so I can put him on there. 'course, I don't think I'd ever EVER date anyone like those guys...
Um. I guess I should say I won't ever EVER date anyone like that again. Ha.



Woke up Monday, met up with Mom and went shopping.
Oh Ross, oh Ross, wherefore art thou Ross?
I got an adorable blue trench coat, and bought my sexy librarian shoes! Hurray! I've wanted a pair forEVER, and these were only TEN BUCKS! Yay and a half.
Also, I got Lord of the Rings: Two Towers: Extended Edition for... Drumroll please...
FOUR DOLLARS AND NINTEY NINE CENTS.
Yes, I'm awesome.
I know.

Then drove home, dropped Shay off, and got home.

All in all, this has been such an amazing weekend. Thanks a bizillion to Shay and Amy, and Dad, who all made it possible.