they're just thoughts, so go ahead and speak

i am in new york
more detailed blog later
i just wanted to post some thoughts:
-sharing one bathroom with four girls sucks
-i love the smell of rain and lilacs
-you never really appreciate washing machines until they're taken away
-i am really mad that rachel leigh cook isn't alice

now for my deep one of the day:
i have a hard time distinguishing between ADMIRATION and ADORATION. i can't ever just enjoy the company of guys. with the exception of benny, i think, i always have feelings for a boy, then i realize i just admire his qualities. but i like them. i get emotionally attached so easily and so deeply. i just don't get it. it's taken me sixteen years to figure this out. it's nearly impossible for me to just have a friend that is a boy. aside from benny, i don't know many boys that i am friends with that i don't or haven't had feelings for.
it's weird.

also...
St. Johns kids are people too. i learned their dirty acadec secret... want to know??

also, someone told me i look like bella, from twilight... what do you think about that?

whatever...

YES
i broke up with him. he broke up with me. we reached our break up date.
YES
i am basically a basket case.
YES
graduation was heartbreaking. i cried when i say KP walking away.
YES
i am glad david cook won.
YES
i am leaving tomorrow night for Utah, then Colby, Kansas, then back east for two weeks. i need it.
NO
i'm not okay, and
YES
i need a hug. also lots of benadryl.

i'll be okay eventually. i just need sometime.

lonely.

it's senior trip, and i'm just all on my lonesome.
but guess who's going on a date with danny tonight?
cheah. misscass. haha.

so, i'm blonde again... and i really dig it.

LATER THAT NIGHT:
Caspian was awesome. :]
Danny is my besty bud. forrizzle.

i can't wait for the seniors to get back. and soon after, i'm leaving on my church history trip. it should be awesomeawesomeawesome.

why do people freak out so much about holding hands, or even kissing in high school? we're supposed to have fun. and it's not like we're married or anything.
well, some of us are. but some of us aren't. open relationships, baby. open relationships are the way to go.

im just a little bit freakin, i suppose. because my open relationship is about to be a non-relationship. in, what, 72 hours?
if someone can come up with a 72hour survival kit to help me make it through those seventy two hours... let me know?

the radness that is benberly.

Benjamin Andrew
will be the godfather of one of my sons.
can i just brag about how cool he is?
he's my person. you know, that person you can always go to with anything, and you know they a] won't judge you, and b] make everything seem better? i went to him crying once, and he spent twenty minutes talking to me about jedis. pretty awesome in my book.
and his other half is wonderful, as well. i mean, come on. how could you not just adore kim? she's pretty, she's witty, she's a little quiet, and she's got a subtle wicked web... just like me. but i don't have the subtle.
[[speaking of, i'm accepting applications... who's interested in being part of my awesome wicked web? ]]

i just watched Becoming Jane... and boy did i cry. of course, i cry lots lately, but even more than usual. because they just loved each other so much, they believed they could live off love. i truly wish they could have. but if they had, we would never have had all her work. anne hathaway is far too pretty to be jane austen. but i just wanted them to live happily ever after.
kinda to give me hope. :]

sweet dreams, dreamer.

i've got wicked plans for tomorrow... date with shake [hopefully!!] and hanging out with my tucker.

oh, and this is my new song:
If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.
'Cause I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.
'Cause I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tears.
'Cause I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.

Acadec Sentamentality

well, i was just reading Miss Abel's blog, from last year... she was complaining about how our team from China year were whiny losers who couldn't do anything but fight about religion and ponder the deep philosophical query of "if the money part was taken out of prostitution, would it still be immoral?" [she swears it came up. i have no memory of this.]
I would just like to remind my favorite person in the world that that sucky whiny team took you to state. Ahem... suck it. lol.
actually, i really miss our last year acadec team. i miss state, i miss my 'corner', i miss ricky being my best friend. but don't tell him that. not that he would care... but just the same. :]
acadec was my family. it was the people i lived with. i think i actually became closer with my acadec team than almost any cast i've been a part of, aside from a midsummer night's dream. this year was good, too, but it was missing a few key elements... the corner was filled with hygiene kits, there was no blake, and no state.
but it's not like things will ever be the way they were back then. next year is gonna be HARD! i know i'll survive. but... it's the little things i'm dreading now... ya know? like walking down the halls. like going into woodward's and not having ricky come in. no more justin high fives. things i've always taken for granted.
okay, maybe i won't survive.
i have to go to school soon. i'm still working on my churchill paper... now it's a whole page and a half of sucky!

i'm getting on my knees, saying, baby, change me please.

i will always find myself more interesting than winston churchill.

it's just a fact.
which is why my paper will not only be late, it will suck.

Why is it so cold? i'm always cold.

Upon reflection...
i need a cooler life. seriously. i need something to happen that is worth blogging about, because mostly i just babble. i'd be a philosopher, or a satirist, except i'm not funny, and sure enough of myself to tell everyone else to be think like me. besides the fact i don't think i'm as terribly original as i'd like to pretend. according to benny, i can't even tell a decent your mom joke anymore.
i don't know why i'm wasting my time complaining about how much i waste my time.
maybe i just need to go hand out with Danny. He always cheers me up... and i am pretty down today.
we watched this video in biology about the populations of countries, and how it's hard to get the birth/death rate... japan has too few young people, and india has too many old people.
Canada's pretty set, though.
i wish i wasn't so ADD... maybe then my paper would be done, my senior slideshow would be done, and my heart wouldn't be in pieces.
"they climbed into your heart, and tore your ventricles apart."


Seriously, though... i'm ready for summer. i'm ready for some summer loving. dates, dates, dates... that's all i want to do, all summer.
that and be juliet.

10:38PM:
"never be farther than a phone call and a goosebumped shiver away."
"drove all night listening to mix tapes."
"the past is just practice."
XKCD.

a date in the life...

miss cass has had an amazing twenty four hours.
first she played dress up...
star gazing:


i'm extending the night, so i can stay a little longer
with you.




then after school today, she went on a date with three of her favvy people in the universe: tucker lee and benberly. :] but my camera went dead, so these are all the pics i got:





pretty much it's awesome to be me. i know not everyone is as, um, joyful? and it makes me sad. but, well, 54 ounce icees help me! lol.
sweet dreams, dreamer.

hands are for holding, not hitting.

i have more to talk about.

CRAZY FOR YOU CAST PARTY:
was basically amazing. rocking out with alex, tucker, shay, karadoll, kam, danny... it was awesome and a half.
ACADEC DINNER:
tonight. it's gonna be a blast... expect pictures. and some from acadec in february as soon as i can. ben has a couple darling ones...
MISS ABEL:
is the shiz. and there's nothing more i can say about that.
I WILL BE:
seventeen.
in approximately 50 days.
ALSO:
i typed that whole last blog without looking at the keyboard. miss abel's laptop was covering it.
DON'T BOTHER:
lying to me anymore. i'm sick of people trying to convince me that i'm something i'm not. if i can look in the mirror everyday and not feel guilty, then it's obviously not something i'm ashamed of. if i can't, do you REALLY think that gossiping about it and telling other people things will make it better? if it's a problem i have, then you're hurting, not helping.

Dearest

pretty much everything is wonderful right now...
in spite of some major crap-age that has gone down.
i just feel like i really need to count my blessings, and say what i'm thankful for:

any sized icee for 99 cents, the ability to tell lies from the truth, ballet flats in miss abel's room, the best mom in the world, xkcd, "kandy", "benberley", the end of a crazy- yet overall awesome- year, the promise of a new one in a few short months.

so this are my summer plans...

may 23 through june 7 i'm going on a church history trip. bus ride back to new york, nauvoo, kirtland, gettsburg, winter quarters... it's gonna be bomb.

summer school... stupid algebra. possibly tucker will be my tutor, which will most definately improve that.

june 31 through july 6ish i'll be at efy with mandy jones. whooo!!!

and sporatically throughout...
We're doing romeo and juliet again!! hopefully, i'll get the lead role. we're looking for a romeo... i'm thinkin maybe alex brown. i'd be down... we could definately have chemistry. ;)


but anyway.
school's almost over, and in some ways i can't wait. i can't wait for ceritan people to leave, and i'm kinda psyched to be the top dog.

i'm not psyched to lose my sweetheart. tucker is leaving for ASU, probably in July or early August. I can't believe it's so soon... there is still so much that i want us to do, so many dreams that only have, what, two months to come true?
but we'll do it. and i've determined to not let anything come between us. if i regret anything, i don't want it to be that we wasted any time.
my boss, dian, basically said it perfectly:
"he makes my pitter patter go heart heart."
<3<3<3i'm enjoying my twitterpation.<3<3<3
and by the time he's gone, i will be ready to start all over again.

this will be the summer to end all summers.
and the end of schools to... end all schools?
only in my dreams. lol.

and this is our new song... i just decided:

Dearest - though you're the nearest to my heart,
please don't ever, ever say we'll part
You scold and you were so bold, yes together,
our love will grow old, our love will grow old.
You may be a million miles away
please believe me, when you hear me say
I love you - I love you
Come home - keep me from these sleepless nights
try my love agaim,
I'm gonna treat you right, I'm gonna treat you right


peace and love.