Breathe Out, So I Can Breathe You In...

I'm waiting here for you, everlong.
So, probably I should be at practice instead of sitting in Ms. Abel's room watching them play Gutiar Hero: World Tour and squeeing over those silly Winchester brothers.
But lately there's just nothing there for me. I hang out with Karadoll, and have Mr. Willard yell at me. And pick fights with Levi. Nothing personal, but it's kinda not worth it.
But I promised Ben no more Supernatural, so...
I'm so bored. With life, with me, with... Everything.
All my family is gone, and all I really do is go to play practice and watch Supernatural. If I didn't have Ms. Abel, can I just tell you how messed my life would be right now?
Okay, I guess this blog is turning into a "Guess How Much I Love My Acadec Coach?" but I couldn't care less. This lady is fraking awesome. I'm pretty sure she's my more sane half.
Since I'm not allowed to blog about Supernatural, and I'm sick and tired of rehersal, let's talk about...

Better Days.

I was talking to Bledsoe today about the algebra class I was taking this summer, and I realized: That was pretty much the best few months of my life. I had everything I could possibly want, and then some. So maybe, all that was a build up. Like, a gift... A consolation prize of sorts?

Why I Hate The Term "BFF"

If you told me I would have to pick one of these people and lose the rest in my life, I would probably blow my brains out.
"Best" friend implies that there's someone in your life that is more important than everyone else, someone who you would sacrifice everyone else in your life for, no questions asked. Well, sorry kids, but I can't deal with that.
Best friend is to desperately over used. Every friend you have HAS to be your BEST friend, or they're not worth being friends at all.
Maybe I'm just bitter about this term, since every relationship I've had lately worth having has been branded with it and then trashed by it. Some of them I've been lucky enough to recover, but seriously? "Sorry, so-and-so is my best friend, we're leaving you out." "Oh, you're definitely the best friend. Sorry I can't offer more, but that's a great role to say you have, right?"
It's trash. And for me to say "Miss, you are my BEST friend, and I will put you before everyone else in my life"... I'd just be lying. I honestly can't say there's a single person in my life that I would put before every other living person. Except possibly:



I kid.
But truly, I hate the very connotation that phrase has anymore. I hate that people think every single friend you have has to be your 'best friend'. I hate that if someone thinks they're not someone else's 'best friend' that the other person doesn't love them.
Sorry kids, and I know this is dumb coming from me, but grow up.
It doesn't matter if they say they're your best friend or not, they're all going to just leave you in the end anyways.

Candle In The Wind.

• It's all make believe, isn't it?
• I don't want to make money. I just want to be wonderful.
• Creativity has got to start with humanity and when you're a human being, you feel, you suffer.
• Acting isn't something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs. If you're going to start with logic, you might as well give up. You can have conscious preparation, but you have unconscious results.
• If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question I've got to follow it through. What am I supposed to do - look intelligent?
• Shelley Winters: If she'd been dumber, she'd have been happier.
• About Marilyn Monroe, by her ex-husband, Arthur Miller: To have survived, she would have had to be either more cynical or even further from reality than she was. Instead, she was a poet on a street corner trying to recite to a crowd pulling at her clothes.

I like her. I think I'd like to be more like her in some ways... Though probably not get it on with JFK.
JDM, sure. =D

In other news, this is my 100th blog! Whoo? I wonder if maybe this means it's time for me to do what I planned to: Print this silly thing out and bind it for generations to come. I want my daughters to realize that I went through good and bad times too. I love, love reading my mom's journal, and I think I'm more attentive [?] to this than my book journal. Though I do need to work on that, too.
This blog has seen a lot: At least two playlists, quite a few names, and endless complaints and triumphs. Almost eleven months, and still going strong.
I love you guys. =]
-Cass

Trade Your Passion for Glory...

Haylee and I are squee-ing now...
The joy will never, ever end. Not as long as that video stays uploaded and on my/Ms. Abel's blog.
WHY is he so cool???
Ms. Abel, this may turn the tide of the eternal battle [AKA Jared vs. Jensen] in Jensen's favor.

Emilee got baptized yesterday... It was really cool! Especially since a bunch of family came up for it... Grammy & Grandpa Farnsworth, Grandma & Grandpa Hastings, Nadia and Ben & Julie. Also, Karadoll came over and took a bunch of my clothes [it's all part of the downsizing] and then Haylee came to Em's baptism and came over to hang. We went to Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist [Hi, Benberly!] which actually was not half as good as the hype. It kinda bummed me out... I had such high hopes. =[
And I've decided I just need to jump back into that dating pool. I'm tired of sitting home at night and being bored. I've got a few different fellas in mind... Pity the next boy I bring into my wicked web. =D

Lackluster, Man.

Dear Ms. Abel:
I miss *you.
*See: Supernatural.

I found this picture of all three Winchester boys, and OH EM GEE, guys. I just want Jared to be my big brother, Jensen to be my crying buddy,and Jeffery to be my boyfriend. Also, life partner.

Practice yesterday really, really was bad. I went to practice in the BEST mood because I was in Ms. Abel's room watching my J Cubed, and I came to practice a little late. Naturally, I walked in right as we started the "pep talk". No lie, that was pretty much a whole lot of negative energy... And if that's coming from ME, you know it's a downer.
Then we all wrote down all the problems we had with the play 'anonymously' and Heather read them out loud. It's not like everyone doesn't already know which one I had:
We don't love each other. There's no bonding. All the faith in the play in the world won't do any good if we don't have faith in each other.
Other people wrote that we didn't pay attention,we don't care... Someone said it was all my fault.[I'm looking at you, Levi.] And Blake made a T-chart: My problem is, as par the course, Tucker. [When you figure out how to help that, Blake, you let me know.]
Mr. Willard went around and told us all what he liked about us to get the juju back up to something decent... Blake is focused, oZ is emotional, Marcia is a treat... And I have high moral standards. Coming from Mr. Willard is probably the most meaningful thing he could've said, but... I felt like I needed more, you know? Like, I've been in the drama program for all four years of my high school life, and I really feel like I've put my blood, sweat, and LOTS of tears into the plays I've been involved with, and all he could say was that I have high standards.
Anyways, it was kinda rough. But I LOVED that Shay and Kara were there... I think it was really good for me to hear that Shay, who's the only other person still around that has been around nearly as long as I have, and she saw the same problems with it that I do. I needed that.

Then practice was over, and Blake drove us all home... He took me to Mutual last, and just let me cry. I needed to let it all out [again] and I feel so much better since then. He just listened. As much as I love jumping on the Blake Bandwagon, it actually was really good for me. It was nice to not have someone say 'Suck it up, get over it' which is pretty much what I've been hearing since... Labor Day. So I really do feel better, about the play, about my sweetheart, and about... Life in general.

I miss Ms. Abel. And Supernatural. And writing letters.
Really I should be less self centered. I'm working on it... I'm going to start service projects, I decided. =]

This World Is Burning, And I'm Terrified...

Kudos to Ms. Abel for giving me this song on my break up CD that's come to be the soundtrack of my life.
I just found a scar on my knee... I've never even seen it before. I don't know why that wigs me out, but it does.
Also, I'm newly obsessed with Supernatural. Ohhh my sugar daddy:

Jeffery Dean Morgan, ladies and gentlemen... He's my ideal guy: Amazingly good looking, but not intimidating. I just want to sit and watch football with him [Yes, boys who've taken me to football games, I'd even learn about football for Jeffery. No, I would only fake it for you.] and then go camping. Alone, in the wilderness. For the rest of my life. lol.
Ahem. He is YUM. End of story. =]

I don't really know what else to say... I think I'm getting sick. I'm exhausted, and I have no appetite at all. For about two hours today, I DIDN'T WANT TACO BELL. I ate it once I went there, but it just wasn't the same. I'm so tired... I'll probably be going to sleep shortly after this.
I'm just ready for it all to be over. Maybe I'll just take a bus ride to the middle of nowhere and never come back.
I think I'll be okay once my sleep schedule evens out. And the play is over. And I can just LET GO of the past like I've been telling everyone I am.

I Know It In My Heart To Be True...

Also, these are my JAMS! This is my new Good Morning Mix. I dig it. ^.^

I'm Gonna Smile, Because I Deserve To!

Me 'n' The Bee.



I was so excited to see Rachelle at the Homecoming Game!




"We're been cool for, like, two whole days!" [The rest are probably going on the other blog, Baby.]



The Cherries:



So... Today was basically BOSS. I loved it! We had a pep assembly, and spending it with Heather and Jerem was awesome. Then I made my poster to answer Alec to homecoming during 3rd hour... I should've taken a picture! This is the gist:

Hey there [Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum},
It was better than a [Payday Candy Bar] when you asked me to homecoming! I did [Pretzel Flips]! I wouldn't trade a date with you for [100 Grand Candy Bar]. YES, I would love to [Mabma Candy Bar] the night away with you at homecoming! <3, [Sugar Babies]

That was fun. =]
Then in 4th hour, I learned the Virgina Reel with Jacob [who, I found out tonight, has a girlfriend. Oh well, flirting isn't illegal! THANK HEAVENS.] That was totally awesome! We just have so much fun together. Plus we were both wearing white and green striped shirts, so we decided it was destiny. I don't even know. =D
Then rehearsal wasn't so bad... Even though Mr. Willard, Levi and I got in a huge fight over Romeo and Juliet. It was weird... I don't know if I've ever had someone yell AT me like Levi did. We got up in each other's faces [in a not even close to sexy way] but at the same time it was kinda releasing. Then Heather and I just hung out the whole time. I'm glad we're friends again! We kinda needed a break, so we took it, and now we're good. Tehe. =]
Heather came over to my house after practice, and we got ready. [See, blasted music and put on darling clothes.] That was fun; Nadia decided to help us get dressed, and that turned out REALLY well! We were headed to... *drumroll please...*
The homecoming game!
Which was awesome. Even though I think we lost. I saw Rachelle, which was awesome. And I just loved hanging out. There were actually friends there this time, and that really made me happy. I hung out with Shay, Kara, Heather, Rachelle... Everyone! I even ran into some of my old friends who graduated... Larry King! And Shelby Kay! That was really neat.
And I met Taylor's incredibly hot brother, Brenton... We're "Best Friends" now. I love it! We had a total flirt fest. If I remember correctly, that's exactly what the doctor prescribed. ^.^
I love having Nadia up here visiting. It's so fun! Plus she has some really cool thoughts... Thoughts I think I should hear more often.
And tomorrow is the dance!
I'm way psyched. =D

Even The Wrong Words Come Out Right...

So, today was basically a total roller coaster.
Up: I walked into the building and they were playing Katy Perry. Always a plus.
Down: Government. I got a 16.5 on ONE assignment I needed a 17 on, so she says she's gonna flunk me. NOT okay.
Further Down: Algebra. I worked so hard the past week to get that up to a C, and I had it in the bag. Then he threw in some loopholes, and it went back down to a D. SUCKS. Good thing I'm just going to a community college... ASU is out of the question anyway.
Up: FINALLY talked with Alec about homecoming! We're going with Prevo and Deveny Jeffs, which I'm actually pretty down with. =] Note to self: Get a planner... I think I triple booked tomorrow after school. lol.
Up: Watched Tinman in Ms. Abel's at lunch. That was actually pretty rockin... Mostly the making fun of it was funner than anything else.
Down: I just feel totally disconnected from the whole group now. I gave Ben a hug today, and he was shocked. My Benny was surprised when I showed affection! I didn't realize how awful I must be lately, when even my 'person' doesn't know that I basically adore him.
Down: Espanol. It's normally a total up, but mi companero, Jacob, [Who I totally have a little girl school crush on... He's just so nice to look at!] was tired too so we both just sat and zoned. Rather, he zoned, I slept. After we had a conversation on whether cheese has a mommy...? On the plus side, I just say his name all the time. It's my favorite name just about ever... I just sit there and say "Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake..." In a non-creepy way. I think.
Down: Outsiders Practice. Which bums me out... After that total high last night, I was hoping for better. I felt like I did so much last night, helping people with characterization and learning who they were. I just wanted to keep the momentum up, try to push new people harder, but no one was interested. So I sat and read Jane Eyre [She actually might be my best friend. Heaven knows I don't talk to the ones I have now.] and then got mad and called my mom and ended up crying. I guess I had all this pent up anger and frustration... I was just bawling in the stairwell when Doll came up and just held me while I cried about everything. That girl... saves my life just about every day. Have I mentioned she's the very bestest?
Up: Mom took me to try to find a homecoming dress. I was back at Bridal Fair, and that was really good. I went through and organized the prom dress room while I was looking, and I found one! It's a really pretty spring green, long and kinda poofy, with sparkles everywhere. It was so exciting to see that big smile on my face again!
Up: Mutual. It was so neat! We went around and just talked with some of the older ladies in our ward, and it was so neat! Just hearing stories from people who lived during a different era than me... It was fascinating.
Up: When I got home, my room was clean! Also, covered in CHOCOLATE KISSES. Alec asked me 'officially' to homecoming! It was so cute... Also, fattening. But who even cares?!? "Now that I've kissed the ground you walk on, will you go to homecoming with me?" Now I just have to answer back! Oh, and while he was here, my darling little Sadie was hanging around him and said "Alec, is Cassidi really all THAT beautiful?" [You can totally just see her face... I'm so glad I wasn't there, I would've been humiliated!] But he just said "Of course!" What a sweetie. =]
So things are kinda good again.
Oh, except for the little part I didn't mention... The 'rents think that I need to be on antidepressants. Haha seeing how badly ADHD meds screwed me up, this should be a fun trip.

Love you guys... I miss you.
-Cass

As If I Needed Another Reason To Be Vegetarian...

Ew. Just... Ew.

Today was amazing! I met up with Mom and Nadia and we went to this amazing little Mexican grocery store and restaurant. It had the neatest vibes!



It was just so nice to hang with Nadia, and just relax... Definitely good for my new chill phase. =]

Speaking of, I'm so ready for school now! Armed with my great new attitude and most of my lines memorized, I've got nowhere to go but up, and I'm so happy about it. Because, seriously, I don't have anything to be upset about! Sure, I've gone through a really, really down time lately, but who hasn't? The important thing is that I'm learning. If I go thorugh all this and don't come out a better person, I'm kinda failing at life.
So I'm gonna make things better. Starting with my new theory... I'm going to fall asleep with a smile on my face.

It feels so good to just let go...

Liberté

I wrote this last night, around midnight:

Tonight I climbed a mountian. It wasn't very big, and it took me a while, but I did it. My legs were pulsling, and I was breathing really heavily. I was a little worried I'd pass out after we reached the first overlook, and if it hadn't been for Sam I wou've turned back. But I kept going. We finally reached the top. I don't know how far it was, but it was steeper than anything I've climbed before. I was worried about looking like a wimp in front of Sam's... Tucker's friends, but I didn't. I made it up all on my own. And the feeling once I was on top of it... I felt empowered beyond belief. I had beaten myself, I had pushed hard enough.
If I climbed a mountian in those shoes, and not whine or quit, I can do anything. I can quit him. I didn't tell him for a reason. I wanted to get away from Tucker this weekend, and he found me where I wanted to be alone. But then I climbed a mountian. I wished he was beside me at the top, but he wasn't and I accomplished something on my own.

Directly written from my journal, html codes and all. =]
I feel so incredibly empowered from this weekend! It's not even close to being over, but I've done things. I've done things on my own, and for me alone. I went to a concert today, Stephen Ashbrook... And I got up and started dancing. I just danced!
These little things are silly, I know... But the point is, I'm doing them for me. I'm beginning to see myself as an individual person. A lot of it is Ms. Abel, but I think I came to a lot of it on my own. I can be me, be a whole person and not need the affection or attention of someone else just to be complete. I need to not use crutches like I have. I can do it all on my own, in cheap plastic walmart moccasins and with the wind whipping around me.
I can do it, with or without you.
Kali would be so proud of me.

You Wanna Know More, More, More About Me...

26)I used to be willing to give up friends really quickly. I thought if we were fighting, they must not love me or be supportive. Now that I want friends, and I want to have the people back in my life, people won't believe that I've really changed and that I don't really need them.

27) I am more posessive of my friends than I am me. If you hurt me, I'll most likely forgive you fairly easily. But you screw with my friends... Be prepared for a death vengance and some really, really bad voodoo.

28) I want people to stick up for me. I always try to back people up if they want me to, and I wish people did that for me. Maybe I'm just a drama-monger, but I feel like if I'm a good friend and stand up for you, you should do the same for me. AKA be PISSED at people who hurt me.

29)I'm trying really hard to be more self centered. I don't mean like concited, but I want to become more in touch with myself. I always let things get to me, to affect me, but I want to become more aware of ME, to be more solid in my identity so I wn't be so affected by every little thing. Because honestly, I let so much get under my skin that I just shouldn't.

30) I am a firm believer that high school love can be forever love. Not so much with me, I guess, but I think that just because you're young doesn't mean you can't be really, really in love.

31) I believe in levels of love. I love my dog, I love Betsey Johnson dresses, and I love my boy, but DEFINITELY not in the same way. At the same time, even within emotional love, you can love people in different ways. There was a boy once, and I told him I loved him, and I did, but I loved him because he saved my life. I didn't love him in a way that would let me stay with him once he 'fixed' me, and because of that I think he always thought I was kidding. [I still kinda bring him around whenever I need 'saving'.]

32) I use people. In the worst way. But I don't really see anything wrong with that, probably because I use them in ways that are benificial to them. Some people I use to get my mind off myself, so they think I really am interested in what they have to say, which makes us friends. It makes them feel good, and it makes me feel good to help with their problems.

33) I have the lowest tolerance for pain of almost anyone I've ever known. I just flipped out when I cut my finger open. I'm SUCH a baby. =} Interestingly enough...

34) I always want something drastic to happen to me, like to get cancer or something. I know it's awful, but I've always wondered which of my friends would actually stick through with me. But whenever something does happen, it's bad, but not bad enough for me to tell about it. Like when I had an awful allergic reaction and my throat closed up? Bad, but my dad is a doctor so he just took care of it. Not even a hospital trip

35) I'm a dreamer. If I spent half as much time thinking about half as many things, I would get twice as much done. I think, think, think and nothing ever comes of it.

36) I'm not good at anything practical. I can act, and take pictures, and write essays... But I can't do math. You're everyday homemaker isn't gonna have to act out a scene every day, but she should know how to budget. So probably I won't be a homemaker... I'll be a traveling gypsy. =]

37) I'm VERY territorial. If something or someone is mine, probably back off. I'm not like that os much in relationships, but definitely with friendships. I HATE sharing people, or food. Sucks, because my 'person' is a total moocher.

38) I lie. All the time. I'm so awful at telling the truth, especially if it will get me in trouble. I'm trying to be better at it, and I think I'm making progress, but it still happens.

39) I used to be the most manipulative psycho I know. If I wanted to be 'Best Friends Forever' with you, it was probably because I was hella jealous and wanted to find your weaknesses and hurt you. Luckily, I've realized this and I'm trying to stop. But seriously... I was bad. Admittance is the first step, right?

40) I am afraid of things that I can't understand how they move. Like, snakes? I've never understood how they get around without legs, and I am more afraid of them than almost anything. Ditto spiders.

41) I'm not afraid of getting in front of people, or dying. I read somewhere those are the two most common biggest fears in people, but neither of them bother me. I love public speaking, and entertaining people. And death? Doesn't bother me at all. Sometimes [in the least emo way possible] I kinda look forward to it. It would be cool just stopping, you know?

42) I am a kissing ADDICT. It's awful, I know, and kinda irrational because I've only kissed like five guys in my whole life, but I love it. I love talking about kissing, pictures of kissing, quotes about kissing... And straight up doing it. It is my goal to have someone kiss me like Rhett did in Gone With The Wind. Also, I get kinda grouchy if it's been too long since I got action.

43) I'm awful at math. I hate, hate hate it and have flunked the last two math classes I took in school. Interestingly enough, I love higher math stuff. Doodling on my calculator, Triganomateratops, is the best, and I even kind of understand it. I <3 Fibbonachi and Pascal's.

44) I love playing dress up. I'll wear a homecoming dress to school on a regular day, and putting on high heels and make up puts as big a smile on my face as almost anything else.

45) I can't handle sad stuff. Just can't do it. Even if it's funny. Don't ever send me links to funny videos where someone gets hurt. And whatever you do, DON'T tell me about torture or people dying... I won't listen. Also, I'll be really scarred.

46) I go out of my way to not see dead bodies. Even if I go to a funeral, I don't EVER look at the corpse. They just freak me out so bad.

47) I'm not very original. I try to be, to be witty and cool all on my own, but I know I'm not. There will always, always be someone out there who's thinking or saying or wearing the exact same as me. I'm not bothered by this as much anymore.

48) I'm not allowed to respect people anymore. And by people I mean boys. As soon as I decide to respect, not like, but respect a guy, he turns out to be completely different from the person I thought. There was a guy who totally

49) God in his infinite wisdom gave me a mind that doesn't work in images. People can say totally disgusting things, and it won't even bother me. Because I don't see the image, I see it typed out. Like, in my head. My brain is a typewriter, and whenever anyone says or does something, I see it typed out on my typewriter. ie:
"Heather twisted the timer past the one minute mark to hear it go 'ding'." Also, I think in feelings. Like if Ben tells Ms. Abel he's gonna boil Ms. Abel's ovaries, my ovaries hurt. OOOWWWW!!!

50) I lurrrve notebooks. My friends and I have notebooks instead of actually passing notes on pieces of paper. I love them! Right now I've got like six... Heather, Haylee, Kali, Shay, Levi, and Ms. Abel. I like keeping the old ones and reading back on them.

I Would Not Talk So Much About Myself If There Were Another I Knew Half As Well.

Everyone else and their mama is doing one of these, so I figured I'd join in the rage.
Here are the first twenty five out of one hundred random/obvious/little known facts about me. No particular order. Enjoy!

1) My middle name isn't really Marie. But only Tucker, Ben, and Ms. Abel know what it really is. And yes, it is that bad.

2) I'm naturally a blonde... I think. My hair cut/color changes every time something bad happens in my life, or if I think something bad is going to happen. I'm going black or dark, dark brown next.

3) I don't like ice cream. I seriously don't. I don't know why, I was just eating it one day and realized I thought it was disgusting. Weird, huh?

4) I'm a blogging FANATIC. I probably blog once a day... Someone once told me it was my patheic excuse for a social life. I. Don't. Care. I blog for posterity... I want to print them all out and make a book so when my teenage daughter says 'you don't know what it feels like!' I can say 'Wanna bet?' And shazam. There's my whole day to day, boring, enchanted life.

5) I'm a book lover, harcore. I went through a two week streak a while back when I finished an entire book a day, and I'm not talking about the 'see spot run' books, neither. Some of my favorites include Gone With The Wind, Atlas Shrugged, the Psalms, The Great Gatsby, and probably my number one favorite is Wuthering Heights. Stupid Jane Austen... The Bronte Sisters are where it's at!

6) My room is a total mess, but my closet is completely color coordinated, going from whites, to lights, to darks with all my dresses and shirts. Totally OCD about it... I never let anyone else put my clothes away. Also, I have a compulsion with cards... I HAVE to put them in ascending order from duce of clubs to ace of hearts. It just about kills me when there's a card missing and I can't keep lining them up!

7) I'm a social networking junkie. I lurrrve picture comments, and wall posts... I guess I just like people to build my self esteem. [What was that, Ms. Abel? "Issues. I has them."] Which reminds me...

8) I am a TOTAL grammar Nazi. It annoys me to no end when people use improper English, and caps are part of that. Sure, I've been through my mIsmAtchEd CaPS phase, and my ALL CAPS phase, but now it's just sooo obnoxious. Seriously, kids... You're in high school/college/real life. Start typing like it.

9) I define my life through music. Lyrics, and just songs are the best way to express yourself in my opinion. Chances are, no matter what you're feeling, someone somewhere has felt it and written a song about it.

10) I'm a camera junkie. Pictures, pictures, pictures... I want to be a photographer. [But that's just because I don't think I'm thin or pretty enough to be a model.] I love capturing moments, so I can be sure that I'm not the only one who remembers them... And you can't ever be an unperson when there are, like, five hundred pictures of you on the internet. =]

11) I am terrified of talking on the phone. It seriously frightens me more than almost anything. My dad recently tried to have me make calls for his new program, and by call #10 I was having a full out panic attack, hyperventilating and sobbing. I know it's totally irrational, but it's terrible for me.

12) I had an eating disorder when I was younger. From the beginning of 8th grade until the middle of freshman year, I dropped almost 60 pounds. It's still affecting me now, even though I've gained some of it back.

13) My very best friend outside of my family is Kathy Abel, my twenty-something year old Academic Decathlon coach. She's pulled me through more the last couple of years, and I've put her through more than any teacher should ever have to go through. I'll always love her, more than Jared loves Jensen. In a not gay way, though.

14) I'm a major sucker for curly hair. Probably because mine is stick straight, but I'd kill for it. I'm a big fan of boys with curly hair.

15) Also a fan of boys named Tucker Bingham, and have been for almost three years. Which is weird, especially since we're both so freakin awful for each other, but he's my high school sweetheart, and the reason for most of the growth [good and bad] in my life. He'll always have the biggest part of my heart.

16) I love movies. Love 'em, love 'em. I don't watch rated R movies, though, and that's mostly my decision. Because, seriously, life is scary without all the gore and sex and stuff. [Not that sex is scary, necessarily, or that I'd know... Know what? I'm gonna just stop there.] But my favorite movies include: Gone With The Wind, Spaceballs, and Enchanted. [Weird combos, huh?]

17) I'm a vegetarian. I have been since I was eight years old, with very few relapses, and none that lasted more than two meals. No, it doesn't bother me when other people eat meat or anything. It does bother me when people decide not to eat meat for stupid reasons. I think it's insulting to people who are actually trying to make a difference, even if I'm not one of them. [Sometimes I like to pretend I'm doing it for the animals, but truth is it's just been so long since I've eaten meat, if I try my body can't digest it right and I get violently ill.

18) Vintage is WHERE IT'S AT. I adore anything vintage-y or old fashioned... I'm in love with old style sundresses right now, and jazz music.

19) I am a huge believer in Karma. I believe what you do to people, and creatures, and the environment will is reflected, maybe not immediately, but ultimately in your, aura, shall we put it? Countenance. I don't think that believing in karma in any way disagrees with my being a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in anyway... They both have the same teachings in a way, just different names for it. Some people say good karma, some people call it building your mansion in heaven. =]

20) I am LDS. I'm a strong believer in the teachings of my church, but I'm also a firm believer in the saying 'The church is true, the people are not'. I sometimes have a problem with separating the two, but honestly? We're all human. We're all trying to do the right thing in life, even if it's for different reasons. I don't in any way, shape, or form, condemn or look down on other people for not believing the same as me. Tolerance and love is my goal.

21) I love learning about new religions, and belief systems, and people's psychology. That's what I want to study in college. And I will always be willing to be open minded and hear and discuss anyone's opinions or beliefs about anything. The only thing that bothers me about people's beliefs is when they can't back them up themselves; You can believe in Scientology if you want, but you sure as heck should have your own reasons, not just believe because your parents or Tom Cruise believe it.

22) I'm an emotional retard. We might as well just put it right out there... I'm pretty smart in every other area, but I make some pretty awful relationship decisions. Possibly because...

23) I'm loyal to a fault. Once I get attatched, or as someone once told me, "Glomp onto somebody", it's the hardest thing for me to let go. Because of this, I end up hurting perfectly nice people for reasons I can't explain any other way than "Yeah, I'm still in love with the... Yeah, I know. I think it's dumb, too." But honestly... Sometimes it's a good thing.

24) I could never ever swallow pills until last summer, when my parents took me to a psychologist who told me it was all in my head, and now I can totally do it.

25) It was really, really hard for me to come up with 25 interesting things about me. And I think that's a little scary.

Something Worth Blogging About?

So, Nadia gave me this little zen garden for my birthday, and I've not used it until today, but it's pretty awesome.

According to Zen and Feng Shui beliefs, every corner of one’s environment is important and deserves respect.

Your Zen garden can be the beginning of a lifelong adventure of seeing things in a new way. This garden may enable you to enter into a tradition that goes as far back as 3000 B.C. and is as near to you in time as your next thought or your next perception. In the inner appreciation of the simplicity of a miniature garden one has the ability to reduce all complexities to a matter of sand and rocks.

To appreciate Zen gardens it is important to understand why and how the elements used in them came to be of importance to the Japanese.

They believe that not only was it beneficial to live in a harmonious or well balanced environment, it also promotes longevity.

Japanese miniature rock gardens make the stress levels slip away - promoting better health and well-being.

It came with a CD of soothing meditation music, and I love it. I'm just chilling.

General Conference was amazing! The big messages this time were peace, unity, and hope. Lots of the talks were on how, even though the world around us in tumultuous, we can still find peace within ourselves by realizing we are doing the right thing. Another one I really liked talked about how Christ was the victim of lots of slandering and hatred, but he never retaliated... He always responded with love and patience. I think I needed that one a lot. After going to that convention in DC where there was so much bitterness and open hostility for anyone who didn't believe exactly as the people there, it was good to be able to reflect on the truth.
So many people at that convention used religion and God as a shield, as a prompter for what they were doing. They'd use Bible verses to back up their hatred and viciousness, and it just made my stomach turn.
Christ's whole mission in life was to teach peace, tolerance, and understanding. One of the biggest principles that our church teaches is that everyone is a child of God, even if they don't believe or agree with what we have to say. It's not our place as imperfect beings to judge anyone else. I'm trying really hard to be better at this, to not just assume I know all factors in a situation and am qualified to pass judgment on anyone or anything.

One of my friends recently went through an experience where someone she deeply cared about fought with her and rejected her because of her political beliefs. Their friendship has been deeply affected by this, and at this point they're not even speaking.
How ridiculous! Especially since the other person was LDS. The whole point of our country is that everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and not be thought less of or treated differently because of it. Especially someone who's religion preaches love to all mankind. It makes me so sad to see people who profess charity towards all men to be rude or intolerant of anyone who doesn't absolutely agree with them.

I think that will be my goal for the week; To try to be kinder and more understanding to those who are different from me.

A Galway Girl. =]

I think I'm doing a little better... Thanks so much, you guys, you've all really cheered me up. =] [Kudos to Sam, Tara, Justin, Levi, Ms. Abel.]


I am headed into an Ireland phase right now... I just finished Scarlett, the sequel to Gone With The Wind, and Scarlett goes back to Ireland and it's just AMAZING. That and seeing P.S. I Love You, I'm just REALLY REALLY craving an Irish romance right about now.

Number One Way Into My Heart:
Have an Irish accent.

Also, being Jeffery Dean Morgan wouldn't hurt.

So, I really want to go to Homecoming, actually. But I've not been asked, despite my mom's best efforts. [See: her walking around Seminary telling everyone that I need a date, and would you like to take her?] Only slightly humiliating.
But I guess it's not a big deal. I had what, two, kinda three dates last year? So I can't really complain. It's just...

We wants it, precious.
Not this exact dress, as it's like six hundred dollars, but a style like it. Poofy skirt, very vintage.

Anyways, Imma be okay.
I <3 my new music.