Breathe Out, So I Can Breathe You In...

I'm waiting here for you, everlong.
So, probably I should be at practice instead of sitting in Ms. Abel's room watching them play Gutiar Hero: World Tour and squeeing over those silly Winchester brothers.
But lately there's just nothing there for me. I hang out with Karadoll, and have Mr. Willard yell at me. And pick fights with Levi. Nothing personal, but it's kinda not worth it.
But I promised Ben no more Supernatural, so...
I'm so bored. With life, with me, with... Everything.
All my family is gone, and all I really do is go to play practice and watch Supernatural. If I didn't have Ms. Abel, can I just tell you how messed my life would be right now?
Okay, I guess this blog is turning into a "Guess How Much I Love My Acadec Coach?" but I couldn't care less. This lady is fraking awesome. I'm pretty sure she's my more sane half.
Since I'm not allowed to blog about Supernatural, and I'm sick and tired of rehersal, let's talk about...

Better Days.

I was talking to Bledsoe today about the algebra class I was taking this summer, and I realized: That was pretty much the best few months of my life. I had everything I could possibly want, and then some. So maybe, all that was a build up. Like, a gift... A consolation prize of sorts?

Why I Hate The Term "BFF"

If you told me I would have to pick one of these people and lose the rest in my life, I would probably blow my brains out.
"Best" friend implies that there's someone in your life that is more important than everyone else, someone who you would sacrifice everyone else in your life for, no questions asked. Well, sorry kids, but I can't deal with that.
Best friend is to desperately over used. Every friend you have HAS to be your BEST friend, or they're not worth being friends at all.
Maybe I'm just bitter about this term, since every relationship I've had lately worth having has been branded with it and then trashed by it. Some of them I've been lucky enough to recover, but seriously? "Sorry, so-and-so is my best friend, we're leaving you out." "Oh, you're definitely the best friend. Sorry I can't offer more, but that's a great role to say you have, right?"
It's trash. And for me to say "Miss, you are my BEST friend, and I will put you before everyone else in my life"... I'd just be lying. I honestly can't say there's a single person in my life that I would put before every other living person. Except possibly:



I kid.
But truly, I hate the very connotation that phrase has anymore. I hate that people think every single friend you have has to be your 'best friend'. I hate that if someone thinks they're not someone else's 'best friend' that the other person doesn't love them.
Sorry kids, and I know this is dumb coming from me, but grow up.
It doesn't matter if they say they're your best friend or not, they're all going to just leave you in the end anyways.

Candle In The Wind.

• It's all make believe, isn't it?
• I don't want to make money. I just want to be wonderful.
• Creativity has got to start with humanity and when you're a human being, you feel, you suffer.
• Acting isn't something you do. Instead of doing it, it occurs. If you're going to start with logic, you might as well give up. You can have conscious preparation, but you have unconscious results.
• If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question I've got to follow it through. What am I supposed to do - look intelligent?
• Shelley Winters: If she'd been dumber, she'd have been happier.
• About Marilyn Monroe, by her ex-husband, Arthur Miller: To have survived, she would have had to be either more cynical or even further from reality than she was. Instead, she was a poet on a street corner trying to recite to a crowd pulling at her clothes.

I like her. I think I'd like to be more like her in some ways... Though probably not get it on with JFK.
JDM, sure. =D

In other news, this is my 100th blog! Whoo? I wonder if maybe this means it's time for me to do what I planned to: Print this silly thing out and bind it for generations to come. I want my daughters to realize that I went through good and bad times too. I love, love reading my mom's journal, and I think I'm more attentive [?] to this than my book journal. Though I do need to work on that, too.
This blog has seen a lot: At least two playlists, quite a few names, and endless complaints and triumphs. Almost eleven months, and still going strong.
I love you guys. =]
-Cass

Trade Your Passion for Glory...

Haylee and I are squee-ing now...
The joy will never, ever end. Not as long as that video stays uploaded and on my/Ms. Abel's blog.
WHY is he so cool???
Ms. Abel, this may turn the tide of the eternal battle [AKA Jared vs. Jensen] in Jensen's favor.

Emilee got baptized yesterday... It was really cool! Especially since a bunch of family came up for it... Grammy & Grandpa Farnsworth, Grandma & Grandpa Hastings, Nadia and Ben & Julie. Also, Karadoll came over and took a bunch of my clothes [it's all part of the downsizing] and then Haylee came to Em's baptism and came over to hang. We went to Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist [Hi, Benberly!] which actually was not half as good as the hype. It kinda bummed me out... I had such high hopes. =[
And I've decided I just need to jump back into that dating pool. I'm tired of sitting home at night and being bored. I've got a few different fellas in mind... Pity the next boy I bring into my wicked web. =D

Lackluster, Man.

Dear Ms. Abel:
I miss *you.
*See: Supernatural.

I found this picture of all three Winchester boys, and OH EM GEE, guys. I just want Jared to be my big brother, Jensen to be my crying buddy,and Jeffery to be my boyfriend. Also, life partner.

Practice yesterday really, really was bad. I went to practice in the BEST mood because I was in Ms. Abel's room watching my J Cubed, and I came to practice a little late. Naturally, I walked in right as we started the "pep talk". No lie, that was pretty much a whole lot of negative energy... And if that's coming from ME, you know it's a downer.
Then we all wrote down all the problems we had with the play 'anonymously' and Heather read them out loud. It's not like everyone doesn't already know which one I had:
We don't love each other. There's no bonding. All the faith in the play in the world won't do any good if we don't have faith in each other.
Other people wrote that we didn't pay attention,we don't care... Someone said it was all my fault.[I'm looking at you, Levi.] And Blake made a T-chart: My problem is, as par the course, Tucker. [When you figure out how to help that, Blake, you let me know.]
Mr. Willard went around and told us all what he liked about us to get the juju back up to something decent... Blake is focused, oZ is emotional, Marcia is a treat... And I have high moral standards. Coming from Mr. Willard is probably the most meaningful thing he could've said, but... I felt like I needed more, you know? Like, I've been in the drama program for all four years of my high school life, and I really feel like I've put my blood, sweat, and LOTS of tears into the plays I've been involved with, and all he could say was that I have high standards.
Anyways, it was kinda rough. But I LOVED that Shay and Kara were there... I think it was really good for me to hear that Shay, who's the only other person still around that has been around nearly as long as I have, and she saw the same problems with it that I do. I needed that.

Then practice was over, and Blake drove us all home... He took me to Mutual last, and just let me cry. I needed to let it all out [again] and I feel so much better since then. He just listened. As much as I love jumping on the Blake Bandwagon, it actually was really good for me. It was nice to not have someone say 'Suck it up, get over it' which is pretty much what I've been hearing since... Labor Day. So I really do feel better, about the play, about my sweetheart, and about... Life in general.

I miss Ms. Abel. And Supernatural. And writing letters.
Really I should be less self centered. I'm working on it... I'm going to start service projects, I decided. =]