Dear Kripke: Mission Accomplished.

Actually, I stole that from Missyjack on livejournal.

But SERIOUSLY!! I'm pretty sure after last night, I will NEVER be happy again.
Ever.

And to make things worse, I can't even post the video. But here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8LTbXMF_s4

Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven...

Ten things you wish you could say to ten different people.

10. Way to suck at everything ever. I'll be hanged if I let you drag me down with you.
9. I blame you for single-handedly giving me the ulcer I'm sure is developing.
8. You are emotionally immature. That is NOT MY FAULT, and I need to stop letting it get to me.
7. Actually, I did mean it.
6. I can't put anything here, because there's nothing I wouldn't say to you.
5. Thanks for being a tool to the nth degree. My absloute adoration officially ends... Now. No, now. Now. Then.
4. I wish I could be there for you more than I am... As it is, I love you to bits and can't wait to get more of you.
3. You break my heart when you're not who I know you to be. I'm not sure which of us you're lying to.
2. Every day, I have to remind myself to forgive you. Never works.
1. You're not who I thought you were. Cliche, I know, but it hits me every time, and hurts me every time.

Nine things about myself.
9. I don't have the budget or figure to dress the way I'd like to.
8. I don't sugar coat anymore.
7. Yep, I Twitter. AND I LIKE IT.
6. I've not had my phone a month, and I am totally dependent on it.
5. I am so incredibly eclectic, I can't even follow me most of the time.
4. Billy Joel is one of my favorite singers... EVER.
3. I'm single, and right now I wouldn't have it any other way.
2. I'm slowly but surely cutting everyone out of my life that doesn't need to be there. Nothing- actually, yeah. It is personal.
1. I love ellipses.

Eight ways to win my heart.
8. Make me laugh.
7. Make me laugh.
6. Make me laugh.
5. Make me laugh.
4. Make me laugh.
3. Make me laugh.
2. Make me laugh.
1. Save my life.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
7. y=-(sin(x^(1.7/6)+4)+(1/x))+10 [bahahaha... Prolly only Sunbeam will get this.]
6. Random lyrics.
5. Squee!
4. BORED.
3. Only seven more days... Seven more days... Seven more days...
2. Why are we not making out right now? Right. You're dumb.
1.

Six things I do before I fall asleep
6. Take out contacts.
5. Brush teeth/put in retainer
4. Pray.
3. Roll over six times. More or less.
2. Snuggle with bear, usually Pip.
1. Set alarm clock.

Five people who mean a lot (in no particular order).
5. Mom
4. Dad [both of them]
3. Kathy
2. Sisters
1. Me. :]

Four things you're wearing right now.
4. AE jeans
3. leather bracelet
2. black tank top
1. skivvies.

Three songs that you listen to often.
3. Anything Iron and Wine
2. The Quiz, Hello Saferide
1. Popular, Wicked [sadie is doing it for a talent show]

Two things you want to do before you die.
2. COMICON.
1. Get married... rafta and all. :]

One confession.
1. I, obviously, open my heart FAR too easily. It's a habit i'm trying to break.

Are you there? it's me, cass.

Holding Out For A Hero

Psh... In my dreams. But i've decided to be far too picky... I refuse to settle. My 'the boy' is gonna have to be one special fella, and until I find him... Well, I'm okay with being 'the boy' less. :D
I said that to Sarah Love, a few days back. And I hold to it.


.

Honestly, we joke about it, well... I joke about it. About how there never seem to be any good guys out there, or how "you always seem to have guys pop up out of nowhere." "Yeah, but none of them seem to stick." "The problem isn't you, it's the entire male population."

Maybe, just maybe, it's not a problem. I have spent the last, oh, five years, compulsively in a relationship. if I didn't have a boyfriend, or at least someone I liked, I felt like I was a failure. I've always been desperately romantic... Definitely to a fault.

For the first time in my LIFE, I am on my own. And I'm realizing, it's not all that bad. Not even close, in fact. I'm happy, I am complete. I'm the normal one for once, the one that people ask advice from. [Well, more often than not I shove it down their throats, not so much them asking for it] But I am happy.

I realize now that I've spent my whole life settling. I have been content.
THIS. IS. WRONG.
I'm not saying the boys I've liked have been mediocre, in fact, I think I've had some pretty great boys in my life. But there was always- or almost always- a 'but...' Obviously all was not well in paradise, because we've ended things for one reason or another. I pride myself on the fact that I've never back slid, every boy has been more compatible with me than the last, and that I have always walked away saying I learned something. I appreciate this.

I am now at a rather strange- well, strange for me- point in my life. I am happy... by myself. I'm strong, independent, and uncomplicated. I look back at the times in my life when I have felt the opposite of this, and it's always when I let another person have control over my moods, feelings, anything. I wonder why I ever put myself in that position..
Until a cute boy winks at me, of course.

And sure, sometimes I get lonely. I see couples together, and it hurts my heart to know that there's a 2% chance that I will be like that again in high school. But then I see other things... I see people hurting each other, stabbing them in wounds just to see how loud they will scream, and then people just drifting apart, growing up and leaving each other behind. These sometimes hurt the most, the unintentional hurts.

Don't think this makes me a crazy cynic who doesn't believe in happiness.. Far from it, in fact. I now believe in it more fully than before. I believe, wholeheartedly, that real love transends high school. Sure, you can find it here, but honestly? Of the three couples that I was dead sure I would be getting wedding announcements from? Not one of the three have made it through this year.

So this is it.
I am going to be happy, be free, be myself.
I'm not going to change just because I think it will make some random guy like me, because seriously?
If he doesn't fall head over heels for me the way I am, it is NOT my loss.

And I'm not going to waste my time sitting around waiting for a hero. There isn't much of a call for damsels in distress lately. I've got to be the kind of person who will attract the kind of person I want. It's a process, don'tcha know? :]

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...

That somehow ended up going so right. :]

School was somewhat awful... Srsly, I don't know when it was announced behind my back that all of the sudden everyone would be totally dumb today-
Oh, that's right.
The minute they announced that RETARDED abomination of a theatrical production would go on.
That's gonna put me in a real dandy mood.
But obviously, the entire dang drama department made it abundantly clear that if you're not currently involved, you should have no say whatsoever, no matter how much experience or how good of ideas you have.
But that's the bitter old hag in me digressing...
Aside from that, my chemistry class just plain sucks. Also, the new lunch crew... Where did they come from? Remember when it used to be the cool kids were in Ms. Abel's? The freakin good old times! ;]



I was tardy [by thirty seconds!!] to Photo third hour, so Tea and I just ditched [shhh... Don't tell!] and went shopping and spilling our guts in a car wash. I've decided those are the coolest places on Earth, by the way... I want to make out in one!
Photo, Fredley's, mostly uneventful...
Except for a really good talk with Shay. She gave me this jewel of a piece of advice:

Let it in.
Let it stay.
Let it go.

It's amazing, no? Deep, in a way that you could completely overlook if you tried hard enough. They are simple words, but words to be pondered in a moment of turmoil, or hurt, or simply sitting and breathing.

Also, here's another quote from Lamb that I would very much like to incorporate in my life:

When you sit, sit.
When you breathe, breathe.
When you work, work.
When you play, play.

Thoughts, anyone?


Anyways, after a completely despondent day, Ben and I went on an AWESOME adventure, that included- but was not limited to- breaking into [kind of] a one room schoolhouse from 1900, splashing in puddles [albeit in a car], finding a Polaroid camera, NOT driving when the road is flooded, and tailgating [right word?] Ms. Abel, and Mrs. Lewis.
All around, charming.

Then my darling little Lillith bought me an Icee! As if the day needed to get better, let's pump sugar into me and then send me to Ms. Abel's to...

WATCH SUPERNATURAL!
Ugh. It was NOT, in fact, the Trickster.
It was a lame filler, and we are not pleased, precious.
But I loved hanging out with my beffie... Who wouldn't?

Anyways... It was a day that was made good.
I would like to get better at making good on my own, ya know? Perception is 90% of life.
Or, as an old man far wiser than me says,
"There is nothing good or bad, only thinking makes it so."