She was a smart girl, until she fell in love.

Let's pretend we're artists and everything we feel is something new to be proud of. Let's take our imaginary friends on a double date and ditch them in a movie and hope they get along while we kiss outside on the sidewalk. Let's take the dreams you mumbled in your sleep and paint a child's nursery. And if we don't finish today, we've always got tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure I don't have much to say... Except that I graduate one month from today. CANNOT FREAKING WAIT. I am so ready to be out of this high schol, away from all the freaking drama, and get into good. I need some good. While I like being the stable one for once-- hey, it's a new experience, being the go-to because I'm not buckets of crazy-- but I miss being part of something. I know it's dumb to want to be in a relationship the last, what, four weeks of high school, but...




And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.
-Sylvia Plath

I’m lost and looking for the sky, for moving parts and a place that doesn’t rust. For wheels that burn and a world that turns. For a road that phantom cars still drive down while lovers long lost feel wind that’s blown too long in silver hair. You are the only map I know.


This is what scares me:


I'm scared of losing my nerve, of wanting to stay. Of letting my reasons to stay keep me from my reasons to leave:


Stay:
Ms. Abel.
Family.
Scared.
Stability.
Mom.
Friends.


Leave:
Get out of here, and never have to come back.

Doodle.

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened, if you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself.
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and if it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much
Ooh this could be messy, but you don't seem to mind.
Don't go telling everybody, and overlook this supposed crime
We'll fast forward to a few years later, and no one knows except the both of us.
And I have honored your request for silence, and you've washed your hands clean of this.

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly... I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body.

Alanis Morissette, where have you been all my life?

This Is A Twice In A Lifetime Experience!

Prom=Awesome!
Day Date=Awesome!
In the reverse order, of course.

Jeremy came and picked me up at 8:15 [@%$#$^$#] luckily I woke up fifteen minutes earlier, and was good to go. We met everyone else at Daniel's house- Daniel and Laney, Jeff and Jessica, and Victoria, whose date would show up later- and went to Denny's. Unfortunately, I didn't think to pull a Tennessean accent this time, like I did last year for prom. But I did eat Pancake Puppies, which were pretty much DELICIOUS. Then we were off to a picture scavenger hunt in Walmart! Jeremy, Victoria and I basically ROCKED it... Pictures up as soon as I get them.
After that we headed over to Jeff's house to watch Pirates of the Carribean and eat Top Ramen. Then on to the SECRET ADVENTURE....
A POTC Van war!
Let me explain: Two groups [Jeremy, me, Victoria, and Jacob] were in one minivan, and Daniel, Laney, Jeff and Jessica were in the other. We each had one sliding door open, and through that door we launched water balloons at each other with water balloon launchers. Our van was the Black Pearl, and we CONQUERED. :D
Then off to get ready... After NPC kinda ruined my hair, my poor darling mother had to do it and redo it like five times before I was satisfied... That woman. I don't know many others who could put up with me as much as she does.
So around 6:30 Jeremy came over, I was all spiffed up, and we headed for dinner. Lacanos was pretty fun...
"I really like Mediterranean food."
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"Ya know, like pita, hummus, falafel..."
"I'd bet it would be better if it was falawesome."
And I just loved our group. We were so much fun!

The dance its self was actually WAY cooler than I thought. I was like... Pool? Count me out. But it looked so cool! Fog machines, and floating lights, and sooo many twinkle lights that didn't twinkle!

We jammed the WHOLE TIME! My poor date... I'm such a floater. We'd be dancing, everything chill, then a song would come on and I'd run over to Tea, or Jess, and leave him standing. With warning, of course, but hey. I've gotta jam to 'Right Round' with my gurrrl... and the whole song we were missing you, Karadoll! We danced with an empty space and pretended it was you, beautiful. :]
Oh, and get this: My parents totally showed up! How awesome was that??? I know, I'm a total dork... But I was so excited! I made them say hello to everyone, and all the girls showed off their dresses.
After the dance, we headed to Denny's, and while we were waiting for drinks, the adrenaline rush totally wore off and we were DEAD. We were there with our group, then Tea's group. They got a cake, and we got tired even looking at them lift their forks.
It was a good tired, though, until I started mouthing off... I'm pretty sure someone spiked my Razzdango, because one minute we were all laughing, and the next thing I know, i'm waxing philosophical about how sleep is just a habit, and how we aren't physically strenuous enough anymore to really need sleep. Luckily, I think everyone just kinda ignored me. :D
Got home at nearly one, and all in all... Good dance. Good day. Good friends.

To Every Boy I've Ever Loved.

But it's SO true.
They have all, every one of them, contributed to making me the person I am. Either by introducing me to new viewpoints, or teaching me something about the world, or people around me, or even just by being a bounceboard for some of my craziness, every boy has helped shape me.
And what's more, by leaving me behind, they've let me rest more on myself. They've made me stronger, by teaching me that, in the end, I have to be myself. I cannot create and recreate myself based on what one person thinks I should be. I can learn what they have to teach me, but at the end of the day, I am the one who will live with my and the person I am becoming.
And I hope to love myself every step of the way.
:]

Leave At Your Own Chosen Speed.

I'm not the one you want, babe, you're not the one I need.
Pretty much I love this song. It's very much... Me. And it's so cool... I'm teaching my little sisters all about the 'good stuff' of life. They've gotten a taste of Ray Charles, Johnny Cash, and Cake so far. Anyone have suggestions?

Also, Benny, do you still have my New Found Glory CD that this is on? I can't find it.


I might not be at school tomorrow. Mom's got to get a root canal, and I'm gonna have to drive her down... If I'm lucky. :D

Prom is on Saturday... SO EXCITED!

Also, I'm addicted again.....