So, today was basically a total roller coaster.
Up: I walked into the building and they were playing Katy Perry. Always a plus.
Down: Government. I got a 16.5 on ONE assignment I needed a 17 on, so she says she's gonna flunk me. NOT okay.
Further Down: Algebra. I worked so hard the past week to get that up to a C, and I had it in the bag. Then he threw in some loopholes, and it went back down to a D. SUCKS. Good thing I'm just going to a community college... ASU is out of the question anyway.
Up: FINALLY talked with Alec about homecoming! We're going with Prevo and Deveny Jeffs, which I'm actually pretty down with. =] Note to self: Get a planner... I think I triple booked tomorrow after school. lol.
Up: Watched Tinman in Ms. Abel's at lunch. That was actually pretty rockin... Mostly the making fun of it was funner than anything else.
Down: I just feel totally disconnected from the whole group now. I gave Ben a hug today, and he was shocked. My Benny was surprised when I showed affection! I didn't realize how awful I must be lately, when even my 'person' doesn't know that I basically adore him.
Down: Espanol. It's normally a total up, but mi companero, Jacob, [Who I totally have a little girl school crush on... He's just so nice to look at!] was tired too so we both just sat and zoned. Rather, he zoned, I slept. After we had a conversation on whether cheese has a mommy...? On the plus side, I just say his name all the time. It's my favorite name just about ever... I just sit there and say "Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake..." In a non-creepy way. I think.
Down: Outsiders Practice. Which bums me out... After that total high last night, I was hoping for better. I felt like I did so much last night, helping people with characterization and learning who they were. I just wanted to keep the momentum up, try to push new people harder, but no one was interested. So I sat and read Jane Eyre [She actually might be my best friend. Heaven knows I don't talk to the ones I have now.] and then got mad and called my mom and ended up crying. I guess I had all this pent up anger and frustration... I was just bawling in the stairwell when Doll came up and just held me while I cried about everything. That girl... saves my life just about every day. Have I mentioned she's the very bestest?
Up: Mom took me to try to find a homecoming dress. I was back at Bridal Fair, and that was really good. I went through and organized the prom dress room while I was looking, and I found one! It's a really pretty spring green, long and kinda poofy, with sparkles everywhere. It was so exciting to see that big smile on my face again!
Up: Mutual. It was so neat! We went around and just talked with some of the older ladies in our ward, and it was so neat! Just hearing stories from people who lived during a different era than me... It was fascinating.
Up: When I got home, my room was clean! Also, covered in CHOCOLATE KISSES. Alec asked me 'officially' to homecoming! It was so cute... Also, fattening. But who even cares?!? "Now that I've kissed the ground you walk on, will you go to homecoming with me?" Now I just have to answer back! Oh, and while he was here, my darling little Sadie was hanging around him and said "Alec, is Cassidi really all THAT beautiful?" [You can totally just see her face... I'm so glad I wasn't there, I would've been humiliated!] But he just said "Of course!" What a sweetie. =]
So things are kinda good again.
Oh, except for the little part I didn't mention... The 'rents think that I need to be on antidepressants. Haha seeing how badly ADHD meds screwed me up, this should be a fun trip.
Love you guys... I miss you.
-Cass
1 comment:
Ohhh love, I am sorry you had such an up and down day. :( Wish I could actually be there in person to cheer you up. Friday, though!!
Anyway, in hard times like these, you really just have to focus on the "up's" and the positive things. As hard as it may be. When I am going through a rough time I just find every simple little detail that I can appreciate, and find beauty in. It is the only thing that keeps me sane when I am sad.
Take it from me, try and stay off anti-depressants. Your parents are just trying to help you because they don't want to see you sad. Mine thought they were helping me too when I went on them. But seriously they just make things worse. You are a teenager, you're in high school, you're a girl... that combination is a deadly emotional roller coaster that just needs to run its course. Trust me.. totally been there, done that and all I got was a t-shirt. Anyway, you will be fine, sweet heart. The only thing we can really count on is change, and things are definitely changing for the better for you, I can feel it! It's just rough right now.. But nothing worth it is ever easy.
Umm also that is the cutest way of asking someone to homecoming ever!! How cute!!
Anyway, in your facebook message (after I write you, that is) let me know who your teachers are that are trying to flunk you? From experience, my senior year, with never going.. a lot of teachers wanted to flunk me. But I am a master at getting horribly failing grades up and chances are if they're the same teachers I had I may be able to give you tips!!
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