Holding Out For A Hero

Psh... In my dreams. But i've decided to be far too picky... I refuse to settle. My 'the boy' is gonna have to be one special fella, and until I find him... Well, I'm okay with being 'the boy' less. :D
I said that to Sarah Love, a few days back. And I hold to it.


.

Honestly, we joke about it, well... I joke about it. About how there never seem to be any good guys out there, or how "you always seem to have guys pop up out of nowhere." "Yeah, but none of them seem to stick." "The problem isn't you, it's the entire male population."

Maybe, just maybe, it's not a problem. I have spent the last, oh, five years, compulsively in a relationship. if I didn't have a boyfriend, or at least someone I liked, I felt like I was a failure. I've always been desperately romantic... Definitely to a fault.

For the first time in my LIFE, I am on my own. And I'm realizing, it's not all that bad. Not even close, in fact. I'm happy, I am complete. I'm the normal one for once, the one that people ask advice from. [Well, more often than not I shove it down their throats, not so much them asking for it] But I am happy.

I realize now that I've spent my whole life settling. I have been content.
THIS. IS. WRONG.
I'm not saying the boys I've liked have been mediocre, in fact, I think I've had some pretty great boys in my life. But there was always- or almost always- a 'but...' Obviously all was not well in paradise, because we've ended things for one reason or another. I pride myself on the fact that I've never back slid, every boy has been more compatible with me than the last, and that I have always walked away saying I learned something. I appreciate this.

I am now at a rather strange- well, strange for me- point in my life. I am happy... by myself. I'm strong, independent, and uncomplicated. I look back at the times in my life when I have felt the opposite of this, and it's always when I let another person have control over my moods, feelings, anything. I wonder why I ever put myself in that position..
Until a cute boy winks at me, of course.

And sure, sometimes I get lonely. I see couples together, and it hurts my heart to know that there's a 2% chance that I will be like that again in high school. But then I see other things... I see people hurting each other, stabbing them in wounds just to see how loud they will scream, and then people just drifting apart, growing up and leaving each other behind. These sometimes hurt the most, the unintentional hurts.

Don't think this makes me a crazy cynic who doesn't believe in happiness.. Far from it, in fact. I now believe in it more fully than before. I believe, wholeheartedly, that real love transends high school. Sure, you can find it here, but honestly? Of the three couples that I was dead sure I would be getting wedding announcements from? Not one of the three have made it through this year.

So this is it.
I am going to be happy, be free, be myself.
I'm not going to change just because I think it will make some random guy like me, because seriously?
If he doesn't fall head over heels for me the way I am, it is NOT my loss.

And I'm not going to waste my time sitting around waiting for a hero. There isn't much of a call for damsels in distress lately. I've got to be the kind of person who will attract the kind of person I want. It's a process, don'tcha know? :]