So I've got to get this out here and now, and then drop it. Tucker, Ben, Shay, I know you've heard it all before, but I'm hoping once I type it out, it'll purge my system. So bear with me.
I had my dream role in my hands. I was so exceptionally excited about it, nothing could've brought me down... Except for my own failings. I'm always afraid that there was something I could've done differently, I could've changed the outcome if I had only spoken my mind, pushed myself harder, anything. I guess I do blame myself. I had a negative attitude during Romeo & Juliet, particularly towards some of the members of the cast.
But that's neither here nor there. Fact is, the play didn't finish. And that... Well, it wasn't a pleasant experience for anyone involved, and maybe I'm just being selfish, but being a lead, it was even worse for me. I felt like I put a lot into it, I'm not going to say more than anyone else, but certainly more than some. I definitely don't think it was any one person's fault, or call what happened. But it did, and ever since then, I've been so afraid to jump back in. It's not because I think another one will get canceled; It won't be. But I'll be afraid I won't be able to save it again. That I'll mess it up.
[Hello, my name is Ms. Codependent.]
But I made a choice. I jumped into The Outsiders at the last minute, and I have to let go of my mistakes and my fears. It wouldn't be fair to Heather, Karadoll, or anyone else to go in with preconceived notions or fears.
I have to let myself go again. Let myself fall into something that I want. Badly.
I need to step out of the shadow of Juliet.
Okay. I think I'm done now... I hope I'm done now.
1 comment:
You're taking the steps, just don't look back and lose balance. You know that I'll always be there to help you if you want me to be.
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