all that and a chocolate fountian. :]

my birthday party was basically amazing... i think everyone had a grand time. :] just about every one i could have wanted to be there was there, plus a chocolate fountain.
i decided i love big parties. small ones are fun, but it's so cool when you can just talk with everyone and play games and not have too much planned... though buying all the food is pretty expensive.

so, this summer has been pretty psycho.
i took [and failed] algebra again. i basically have a math disorder... i cannot do it. i'm algebra retarded.
i've been spending almost the entire summer with justin. he's an amazing kid, in case you didn't know.
i'm heading down to the valley for warped tour on tuesday... i am majorly psyched.:D

from back in the day...

when i was on the bus, driving cross country, i amused myself by writing haiku's. officially i am converted to them. :\

dead trees and no grass
nothing but death and beauty
there we found our place

eternal weakness
again and again, the dance
i could never go

earsplitting silence
my world at your fingertips
but crushed with one look

we saw it coming
you never cried quietly
mostly i just laughed

could this be my change
to break your lifesaving chains
would i have the guts?

the tick tock, tick tock
i swear it's moving backwards
you make time so slow.

this seems so surreal
i measure time in hair growth
drag me back to life

and my crowning glory...

sturgesaurus gav
he will never know my name
distrations are great!

...time...

We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.

i love that quote. think about it... it's true. henry david thereau once said 'as if you could kill time without injuring eternity.' think of how much time we waste just wasting time! if that's not a sobering thought, what is. do you realize we spend approximately half our lives asleep?? i'm not saying sleeping is bad, but think of all the time we spend watching the seconds go by.
what could we do with all those seconds? if we added them all up, what miracles could happen, what could we accomplish?
do you realize every year, we pass the the anniversary of our death? it's true. every year, we're getting closer and closer to dying. it may be later, it may be sooner. only God knows.
someone who has had an impact on my life just found out that she has cancer, for the second time. the doctors gave her about six months to live. it really makes you think... will i be able to look back on my life with as much satisfaction as she did? will i be able to look back with a clear conscience and happy heart? or will i be haunted by the 'if only's?
doesn't it make you want to waste time a little less? do a little more with the time we have left?

i discovered this song on the CHT, and it has come to mean so much to me. it's exactly where i was in my life when i first heard it, and i guess it just made me feel lots better to know that not only has someone felt the same, but they felt strongly enough about it to write a song.


Something always brings me back to you, tt never takes too long. No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch, you keep me without chains, I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.
[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile, when I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

i honestly think that i'm done. i've gone through all the steps, grieving, acceptance, forgiveness, moving on. i feel differently now than i ever have before as far as that whole situation goes. i WANT to let go. and i think i have.

and, phew! this summer lovin is seriously having me a blast. i'm LOVING IT!
and i'm HATING algebra.FYI.

i can take that off my bucket list!

this church history trip seriously changed me. i am a different person, and a better one. i met people who have helped me through more in four hours than some people have been through with me in years. i am seriously so in love with every freakin one of you.
thank you. :]
more pics to come, but here's my parting shot:



gavinwholookslikejude... aka sturgesaurus. <3