the downside of up...

i've just decided i'm not allowed to look up to people anymore.
it's bad juju for them. as soon as i find someone who i think is so good, is good enough for me to truly admire [not just adore, ADMIRE], that's when they go screwball.
i really think it's all my fault.
so anyone who's a really really good person, don't let me know. :]

negative miss cass, huh?

i can't wait to come home. i'm having a wonderful wonderful time, but i'm ready to see people.

hey... only, like, TWENTY DAYS until i'm SEVENTEEN!!!!

they're just thoughts, so go ahead and speak

i am in new york
more detailed blog later
i just wanted to post some thoughts:
-sharing one bathroom with four girls sucks
-i love the smell of rain and lilacs
-you never really appreciate washing machines until they're taken away
-i am really mad that rachel leigh cook isn't alice

now for my deep one of the day:
i have a hard time distinguishing between ADMIRATION and ADORATION. i can't ever just enjoy the company of guys. with the exception of benny, i think, i always have feelings for a boy, then i realize i just admire his qualities. but i like them. i get emotionally attached so easily and so deeply. i just don't get it. it's taken me sixteen years to figure this out. it's nearly impossible for me to just have a friend that is a boy. aside from benny, i don't know many boys that i am friends with that i don't or haven't had feelings for.
it's weird.

also...
St. Johns kids are people too. i learned their dirty acadec secret... want to know??

also, someone told me i look like bella, from twilight... what do you think about that?

whatever...

YES
i broke up with him. he broke up with me. we reached our break up date.
YES
i am basically a basket case.
YES
graduation was heartbreaking. i cried when i say KP walking away.
YES
i am glad david cook won.
YES
i am leaving tomorrow night for Utah, then Colby, Kansas, then back east for two weeks. i need it.
NO
i'm not okay, and
YES
i need a hug. also lots of benadryl.

i'll be okay eventually. i just need sometime.

lonely.

it's senior trip, and i'm just all on my lonesome.
but guess who's going on a date with danny tonight?
cheah. misscass. haha.

so, i'm blonde again... and i really dig it.

LATER THAT NIGHT:
Caspian was awesome. :]
Danny is my besty bud. forrizzle.

i can't wait for the seniors to get back. and soon after, i'm leaving on my church history trip. it should be awesomeawesomeawesome.

why do people freak out so much about holding hands, or even kissing in high school? we're supposed to have fun. and it's not like we're married or anything.
well, some of us are. but some of us aren't. open relationships, baby. open relationships are the way to go.

im just a little bit freakin, i suppose. because my open relationship is about to be a non-relationship. in, what, 72 hours?
if someone can come up with a 72hour survival kit to help me make it through those seventy two hours... let me know?

the radness that is benberly.

Benjamin Andrew
will be the godfather of one of my sons.
can i just brag about how cool he is?
he's my person. you know, that person you can always go to with anything, and you know they a] won't judge you, and b] make everything seem better? i went to him crying once, and he spent twenty minutes talking to me about jedis. pretty awesome in my book.
and his other half is wonderful, as well. i mean, come on. how could you not just adore kim? she's pretty, she's witty, she's a little quiet, and she's got a subtle wicked web... just like me. but i don't have the subtle.
[[speaking of, i'm accepting applications... who's interested in being part of my awesome wicked web? ]]

i just watched Becoming Jane... and boy did i cry. of course, i cry lots lately, but even more than usual. because they just loved each other so much, they believed they could live off love. i truly wish they could have. but if they had, we would never have had all her work. anne hathaway is far too pretty to be jane austen. but i just wanted them to live happily ever after.
kinda to give me hope. :]

sweet dreams, dreamer.

i've got wicked plans for tomorrow... date with shake [hopefully!!] and hanging out with my tucker.

oh, and this is my new song:
If you were falling, then I would catch you.
You need a light, I'd find a match.
'Cause I love the way you say good morning.
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.
'Cause I love the way you call me baby.
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.
Sew on patches to all you tears.
'Cause I love you more than I could ever promise.
And you take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.
You take me the way I am.